The Adventures of Shamrock Girl & Friends, Etc!

Back in October of this year on a lark I picked ten celebrities to ask to answer ten of my questions.
Not really thinking I would hear back from any of them because if the truth be told, I HATE interviewing people let alone celebrities!
To put it simply, i’m a fiction writer baby except when it comes to writing about my own interesting and eventful life.
And to get back on point, if the truth be even more told, I pretty much prefer to use what I hear about celebrities on TMZ to make fun of them through my writing.
So no blood or any other kind of pressure there.
But twenty-four hours after sending the ten emails, I was truly surprised when I received one email from one of Olivia Newton-John’s publicity people, a guy by the name of Michael Caprio (no relation to Leonardo DiCaprio of course) of Caprio Media Design in Las Vegas telling me to send him five questions and he would see what he could do.
As of December 16, 2012, I haven’t heard jack shit from Michael Caprio thus ending my illustrious celebrity interviewing career.
(Loud-ass snicker!)
Anyhoo, so to all of you celebrity interviewer wannabes out there, here’s a valuable piece of advice from me to you. If Olivia Newton-John’s publicity guy, Michael Caprio ever gets Olivia to answer 5-10 of your questions FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AVOID THE FIVE QUESTIONS BELOW!
Celebrity interviewer wannabes, this is my expensive-ass Christmas present Fed Ex-pressly for you!
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

QUESTION 1:

Olivia, this is a short humor piece that I wrote last year that relates to the first question that I am going to ask you. Please read it carefully before you answer my question below.

“Excuse me! But hasn’t the Rooster suffered long enough? Isn’t it bad enough that the Rooster is one of the weirdest looking animals on earth, not to mention one of the most irritating. I really think that the Rooster deserves a break. Hey! I have an idea! Let’s all get together and abolish Daylight Savings Time! Who cares if Daylight Savings Time saves energy and gives us an extra hour of sunlight during the summer months. So what! Daylight Savings Time is sick and cruel to Roosters! It takes a Rooster a couple of weeks to adapt to the time change! This really messes up a Rooster’s cock-a-doodle-do! And that’s some important shit! And what about the poor Roosters with sleep disorders! Do you think turning up a clock, then turning back a clock is good for them! Hell no! Roosters with sleep disorders need regularity and all the sleep they can get! If you don’t want to abolish Daylight Savings Time for yourself, that’s okay. You should not be doing it for yourself anyway, ya’ selfish bastard! Do it for the right reason! Abolish Daylight Savings Time for the Roosters! Cock-a-doodle-do!”

Question: Olivia, with Daylight Savings Time coming up soon in November, do you think Daylight Savings Time ought to be abolished for the rooster’s sake? If your answer is ‘yes’ please explain why?

QUESTION 2:

Olivia, this is a sympathy greeting card that I wrote for those individuals who have recently experienced a death in the family. Please read it carefully before you answer my question below.

Name of Greeting Card:
THIS IS HOW JESUS SPELLS H-E-A-V-E-N, SWEET SPIRIT CHRISTIAN!

H UGS all around from God, Jesus and Princess Diana!
E TERNAL landlord is one hell of a terrific guy!
A NSWERS to your questions finally explained!
V OLUMINOUS peaceful space so your sweet spirit can rest!
E LEVATION to a league more exclusive than Harvard or any other ivy!
N EVER pain nor sorrow but a neverending effervescent tomorrow!

Question: Olivia, have you ever had someone in your family die? If your answer is ‘yes’, what do these words me to you regarding that family member(s)?

QUESTION 3:

I recently wrote on my blog that since Hollywood is remaking the hell out of everything from Star Trek to Steel Magnolias that they need to do a remake of the kick-ass country movie, Honeysuckle Rose and turn it into a television show starring 20 something actors on a network like the WB.

Question: Olivia, when it comes to tv shows geared toward the under 30 set and since your daughter Chloe is under 30, I noticed that hardly any of these television shows ever play country music. Since you have been both a successful pop and country music star, how do you feel about this?

QUESTION 4:

Olivia, when it comes to your health & fitness, can you answer the two-part questions below.

Question 4a:

My idea of “Warming Up” before a workout is to:
-Go lie under an electric blanket for 15 minutes.
-Go sit in front of a fireplace with a good book for 15 minutes.
-Go down to the local bar and order a “Boilermaker” and nurse it for 15 minutes.
-Go into the kitchen and make a cup of hot chocolate topped off with marshmallows and 15 different kinds of cookies.

Question 4b:

The best fashion/exercise moment in history is:
-Richard Simmons sweatin’ to the oldies in Daisy-Duke short-shorts.
-Jennifer Beals dancing like she’s never danced before in a torn sweatshirt in the movie, Flashdance.
-Anna Nicole Smith prancing around in spandex shorts three sizes too small for her on the reality TV show, The Anna Nicole Show.
-Olivia Newton-John sauntering around in the “Physical” video wearing a headband, leotard & leg warmers.

QUESTION 5:

Here is another humor piece that I wrote, Olivia that relates to the last question that I am going to ask you. Please read it carefully before you answer my question.

“Hey guys, how many times have you put on a monkey suit or cleaned your apartment from top to bottom just to impress a date when if the truth be told you are the biggest faded t-shirt and jeans wearing slob on the planet? Gals, how many times have you had your legs waxed or cooked a fancy meal for a date when in actuality you are the undisputed stubble queen of takeout? Tell me, when it comes to dating, how fake are you?”

Question: Olivia, before you married your husband, John when it came to dating just how fake were you? Can you give me an example?