SHAMROCK GIRL & THE CASE OF THE GLORY, GLORY, GLORY HALLELUJAH GRITS!


Shamrock Girl loved her some food and at a comfortable 160 pounds you could tell. And she was darn proud of it. After all, she loved herself and her weight. There was one simple truth that she accepted a long time ago about herself and it was the fact that she was never gonna’ be one of those pencil thin superhero girls that you see on Supernano Flight Magazine. She accepted the fact that she would always be one of those superhero girls with a little extra junk in her trunk. To put it simply, for some people baseball was their favorite pastime for others it was crocheting but for Shamrock Girl it was eating delicious food which is why when Shamrock Girl read in the Cincinnati Enquirer that Cincinnati’s instant grit supply had suddenly vanished into thin air she knew with 100% certainty that it could only be the work of her two archnemesises, Ebonnyra and Ivorysour.

Shamrock Girl had practically nothing in common with these two supervillians with a few exceptions and one of those exceptions was grits. Shamrock Girl, Ebonnyra and Ivorysour loved them some grits. Shamrock Girl even had her own special recipe called “Shamrock Girl’s Glory, Glory, Glory Hallelujah Grits.”

First she prepared 3 packets of Quaker Instant Grits in a large saucepan. Once they were finished she then added 1 tablespoon of butter, 1 tablespoon of sugar, 1 teaspoon of Watkins Banana Extract, 1 teaspoon of Watkins Chocolate Extract and mixed those ingredients in thoroughly with the grits. Shamrock Girl then poured a serving of grits into a bowl and last but not least, in a zigzag motion she added some Watkins Cherry Extract on top. A couple strips of bacon, a piece of buttery toast and a nice cold glass of orange juice to wash it all down completed her meal. Oh, it was some good eatin’! I mean just thinking of her recipe made her mouth water but Shamrock Girl had to tell herself to concentrate on the task at hand because she had work to do.

Shamrock Girl looked at the Blarney Ring on her right hand and raised her left hand heavenward then loudly said the Shamrock Girl Rap.

Black, white, brown, red and yellow,

I do this for all of my girls and my fellows,

Give me the power, oh great Blarney Stone, I proudly bellow,

This is Shamrock Girl, it’s time for action now, hello!

Immediately after she said the power rap she instantly transformed from Green O’Jadery into Shamrock Girl. Once her superhero transformation was complete she looked again at the Blarney Ring on her right hand and said, “Shamrock of Justice.” Less than a nanosecond later a large floating ethereal Shamrock appeared under her feet. She then said, “Let’s ride.” 90 nanoseconds later she was back on her home planet of Jytrimillya in front of Ebonnyra and Ivorysour’s house.

Here’s a little info on Jytrimillya:

Jytrimillya is a gigantic diamond-shaped invisible and undetectable planet in the solar system. The planet itself was a spectacular sight to behold. It was comprised of trillions of miles of lush land and due to it’s diamond-like atmosphere was very sparkly and shimmery. Jytrimillya was a beautiful place to grow up. It was not only her home away from home but it was also home to many other superheros and supervillians too.

Anyhoo, Shamrock Girl heard noise so she followed it. Within a few seconds she came face to face with walls and walls of boxes. And Shamrock Girl knew exactly what was in those boxes. Instant grits. Shamrock Girl continued to weave her way through the tower of boxes and finally stopped when she she saw in the center of those boxes Ebonnyra and Ivorysour sitting at a table wolfing down steaming hot grits. The both of them were so busy gobbling down the grits that they didn’t see Shamrock Girl until she was seated across from them at the table. For a few seconds the two supervillians were momentarily stunned but that quickly passed and they were soon back in control and returned to their usual mean selves. For a minute noone spoke, they all just looked at each other. It was Shamrock Girl who broke the silence first. She looked first at Ebonnyra then she looked over at Ivorysour, her face was like granite. She then uttered four words with steel in her voice, “Give up the grits!”

Upon hearing this Ebonnyra started laughing hysterically but Ivorysour turned beet red, jumped to his feet and sputtered icily sending bits of grits flying everywhere, “Witch, you better step off! We don’t have to give up nothin’! Shamrock Girl, you ain’t gonna’ be comin’ up in my crib startin’ no mess! Girl you better step off before you get pushed off! I ain’t playin’ with you! Now get your big booty the heck outta’ my house!” Shamrock Girl stood her ground, she wasn’t going anywhere.

With a huge smirk on her face, Ebonnyra waved enthusiastically at her and said in a sugary sweet tone, “Bye, Shamrock Girl! And by the way, kiss my grits!” Ebonnyra and Ivorysour hooted with laughter. Shamrock Girl saw her chance and took it. While the two supervillians were laughing, Shamrock Girl uttered two words, “Super speed.” Within a nanosecond Shamrock Girl knocked over the huge bowl of grits in the center of the table in Ebonnyra and Ivorysour’s direction. The two supervillians immediately stopped laughing as hot grits landed all over them. Shamrock Girl then snatched the two rings, The Awesome Onyx and The Lemonhead Diamond, off of the supervillians fingers with ease and held them firmly in her right palm. Ivorysour totally enraged and covered with grits from head to toe snarled menacingly, “Give us back our rings, witch!” Shamrock Girl again uttered four words, “Give up the grits!”

Simultaneously, the two supervillians let out angry frustrated howls as both of them knew that they had no other choice but to give back the grits that they stole. Everybody at that table knew that without those rings, Ebonnyra and Ivorysour were virtually powerless. After two minutes, Ebonnyra said with pure controlled rage in her voice, “Oh, take your stupid ol’ grits cow and get the heck outta’ my house!” Ivorysour hot on her tail said, “Shamrock Girl take the grits and get to steppin’ baby!” Shamrock Girl held up the two rings out of the two supervillians grasp and said, “You’ll get these back when I put all of the grits back. Hey, wait a minute, that rhymes!” Shamrock Girl then threw her head back and started to laugh merrily. Ivorysour rolled his eyes heavenward while shaking his head and Ebonnyra stuck out her tongue at her. Shamrock Girl laughed again then blew two kisses to each of them then proceeded to return all of the grits back to Cincinnati. When she was done she returned to Ebonnyra and Ivorysour’s house and laid the two rings on the ground 10 feet in front of them then returned to Earth but not before hearing lots of threats of revenge against her and a “Step off, witch!”

Within 95 nanoseconds she was back at her second home, her condo apartment in Cincinnati, Ohio dressed as Green O’Jadery. Green hurried into the kitchen and assembled all of the ingredients to make her favorite glory, glory, glory hallelujah grits. As the grits were cooking on the stove she thought about her encounter with the two supervillians and she said aloud with total conviction in her voice, “I will never step off Ebonnyra and Ivorysour because I am Shamrock Girl, Cincinnati’s superhero here to stay!” Shamrock Girl then put her right hand patriotically over her heart and then sang loudly and proudly.

“Glory, glory! Hallelujah!

Glory, glory! Hallelujah!

Glory, glory! Hallelujah!”

“HIS TRUTH IS MARCHING ON!”

“Glory, glory! Hallelujah!

Glory, glory! Hallelujah!

Glory, glory! Hallelujah!”

“HIS—TRUTH—IS—MARCHING—ON!”

“God Bless America!” Shamrock Girl yelled then threw her head back and laughed merrily.

And for a little more information on Cincinnati’s superhero here to stay, read on!

INTRODUCING SHAMROCK GIRL!

Hi everybody!

-My superhero name is Shamrock Girl but my real name is Green O’Jadery.

-I was born on March 17th.

-I reside in the best city in the whole wide world, the Queen City herself, Cincinnati Ohio.

-By night and day I am a crimefighter but mostly by day I am a part-time fundraising writer for the City of Cincinnati.

-I was born of Irish descent but I love people of all different races, colors and creeds which is the primary reason why I like to be referred to as Black Irish.

My physical attributes are:

-I have long curly jet black hair, big emerald-colored eyes and full lush lips.

-I am medium height specifically 5′ 6″.

-My breast size is 36 B and my behind is quite ample.

-Because I love to eat, I am a comfortable 160 pounds.

-Overall I am considered to be very good looking.

When i’m fighting crime I wear:

-A green shamrock-shaped leotard.

-On my feet I wear green boots with sparkly and shimmery shamrocks all over them.

-To complete my outfit I wear shamrock shaped emerald studs in my ears and a shamrock-shaped bracelet on my wrist.

As far as my extra curricular talents go:

-I can sing extremely well. In fact, I have been known to break a glass or two with my five octave voice.

-I am an expert double dutch rope jumper.

-I can make a coin dance on my hand.

-And I love, love, love to dance!

Some of my favorite things are:

-Eating food and drinking liquids with Watkins Extracts in them.

-Eating catfish with alot of Frank’s Red Hot Original Cayenne Pepper Sauce.

-Eating, period!

-Listening and dancing to good ol’ fashioned rhythm and blues, disco, rock from the 60′s; 70′s; and 80′s, rap, hip-hop, hair metal and old school country music.

-Rollerskating and rollerblading as much as I possibly can.

-Experimenting and making different food recipes and then eating them of course.

In terms of my superhero powers, I have in my arsenal:

-Extraordinary powers of persuasion. I have a very powerful gift of the gab. I basically can persuade anyone to do anything that I like anytime that I want but this only applies to earthlings not superheros or supervillians.

-The Blarney Ring which is an emerald and gold ring in the shape of a shamrock that has five pieces of the Blarney Stone from Ireland embedded into it. It has special magical powers.

-The Shamrock of Justice which is a shamrock that comes out of the Blarney Ring and can be used as a powerful weapon, can render me invisible, has the ability to transport me from place to place plus lots of other things.

Okay everybody, now that you know a little bit more about me let the drama begin!

And speaking of drama, let me introduce to you the two supervillians who give me the most trouble.

SHAMROCK GIRL VS. THE SUPERVILLIANS!

Some say that there is a balance to everything in life.

Where there is darkness there is light, when a death occurs a new life is born, for every good thing that happens, a bad thing happens too. This philosophy unfortunately also applies to me too.

So for every superhero that there is, there is also a supervillian to match. For me, there are two supervillians, to be exact.

Their names are Ebonnyra and Ivorysour.

Here’s a little info about them:

Ebonnyra and Ivorysour are bad, through and through. They thought bad, they ate bad, they breathed bad, they lived bad and they loved bad. Ebonnyra and Ivorysour had many bad goals that they wanted to achieve together in life but their ultimate goal was to destroy St. Patrick’s Day, forever! They knew that in doing so they would not only destroy this wonderful and blessed holiday but they would also destroy a big part of Shamrock Girl herself. Just as Ebonnyra and Ivorysour loved bad, Shamrock Girl loved St. Patrick’s Day. It was not only her favorite holiday but her actual birthday! It was one of the days on which part of her foundation was built. Without St. Patrick’s Day she would be in absolute turmoil. Shamrock Girl knew that a big part of her would be destroyed and annihilated. And that is exactly what Ebonnyra and Ivorysour wanted. It was their ultimate dream! With Shamrock Girl out of the way they could turn Cincinnati into the bad capital of the world! SINcinnati! Oh, how that filled them with such joy and delight! Ebonnyra and Ivorysour could have it all! But there was only one thing standing in their way and it was that goody-goody meddling pest, Shamrock Girl. And if it took them the rest of their lives they would get rid of her once and for all. To be honest, Ebonnyra and Ivorysour weren’t really concerned at all about Shamrock Girl. They both felt that she was only a temporary pesky situation that they would soon be rid of and then they would proudly take their thrones as the baddest King and Queen of Cincy. After all, it was their destiny and noone was going to stand in their way especially a pesky loser like Shamrock Girl. No way! Cincinnati was their turf and they let noone forget it.

Here’s a little more info on Ebonnyra:

-Ebonnyra was a beautiful, tall, lean black woman with gorgeous cinnamon brown skin, long straight raven black hair, shiny white teeth, stormy black eyes and a small upturned nose that she loved to use to look down on earthlings, superheros and other supervillians that she thought weren’t as good as her.

-As far as clothing was concerned she always dressed in black and wore black sunglasses.

-Like Madonna, she went by only one name and could easily blend in as a regular person in a crowd when she wanted to.

-Ebonnyra had a man of course and his name was Ivorysour. She was absolutely head over heels in love with him and protected him fiercely.

-In terms of her superpowers, she had two powerful gifts. The first being that she could manipulate the color black to do anything that she wanted and second she wore the ring, The Awesome Onyx, which gave her incredible powers.

-Her trademark catchphrase is: “Shamrock Girl, damn girl scout!”

Here’s a little more info on Ivorysour:

-Ivorysour was a very tall, handsome, muscular white man with exquisite ivory white skin, short crew-cut yellow blonde hair, slightly yellowing teeth, big effervescent yellow gold/brown eyes and a medium-sized upturned nose that he too loved to use to look down on earthlings, superheros and other supervillians that he thought weren’t as good as him.

-As far as clothing was concerned, Ivorysour at the urging of Ebonnyra wore black from the waist down but from the waist up he always wore yellow. He particularly loved to wear any type of short-sleeved yellow shirt that showed off his impressive and numerous muscles. He topped off his outfits with yellow-rimmed sunglasses. (If the truth be told, he looked like a giant bumblebee.)

-Like Gallagher, he went by only one name and could easily blend in as a regular person in a crowd when he wanted to.

-Ivorysour’s wife was of course Ebonnyra and she was his whole world. He loved her dearly and reserved smiles strictly for her.

-His face was often contorted in a grimace or a pucker due to all of the lemons that he consumed.

-In terms of his superpowers, he also had two powerful gifts. The first being that he could manipulate a lemon to do anything that he wanted and second he wore the ring, The Lemonhead Diamond, which gave him extraordinary powers.

-His trademark catchphrase is: “Shamrock Girl, step off!”

Both Ebonnyra and Ivorysour have a superpet named Burke who is the third thorn in my side but you will learn more about him later.

THE END.

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