ARE THEY CHILD SAFETY HARNESSES OR FREAKS ON A LEASH!


This is a script that I published on the Rejection Hotline or rhbrands.com back in 2007 under their “It Could Always Suck More” section.

Script Title: “Freak on a Leash!”

(Script should be voiced by a child actor or an adult actor with a youthful sounding voice. Actor can be male or female.)

This script is in the tradition of Will Farrell’s Cursing Baby Viral Video (The Landlord). To view it please click on the link below.

The Landlord Video!

Script Text:

(Actor should speak in a nice soothing voice.)

“Did you have a bad day at the office?”

“Are you feeling down because your boss……….”

“Pointed out a stupid mistake that you made in front of all of your coworkers?”

“Stole one of your ideas then had the nerve to try to pass it off as his or her own?”

“Promoted someone half your age with half your experience to a position that should have rightly gone to you?”

(Actor should speak in a belligerent voice.)

“Well do this kid a favor and shutup about it because I don’t want to hear it!”

“Just remember that it could always suck more!”

“At least you are an adult who has the power to make your own decisions.”

“Try being a kid with NO power whose parents thinks it’s cute to parade them around in public on one of those stupid “kid leashes!”

“Oh wait a minute, did I call them “kid leashes”, i’m sorry, I meant to say “child safety harnesses!”

“I forgot, even us kids of today have to be politically correct!”

“Shutup!”

“So to all of you adults out there who have the power to make your own decisions, I don’t want to hear anymore of your whinin’ about your boss or your job!”

“It’s your own damn fault that you’re a total loser who’ll never rise above the first rung of the corporate ladder!”

“Shut your hole and quit bellyachin’ because some of us got real problems!”

“Just remember that it could always suck more and yes i’m talking about those damn “kid leashes again!”

“Imagine being four-years-old and having to put up with a bunch of dumb-ass first graders snickering, pointing and loudly yelling, “Look at the freak on a leash! Look at the freak on a leash!” whenever you go out in public on one of those damn things!”

“People don’t know how hard it is being the only four-year-old kid on the playground who gets mistaken for a 40-year-old midget due to the bloodshot eyes, nasty facial tic and sour disposition.”

“And yesterday, my Mother had the nerve to ask me why I carry around a bottle of Visine and a sippy cup full of rum and coke in my backpack?”

“Why do you think idiot!”

“Because you parade me around in public on one of those “kinky-ass S&M bondage”, “it’s time to walk the doggie”, “giddup little horsey”, “hey look it’s my first training bra”, “make a kid look like a kite if a good stiff wind comes along” stupid “kid leashes!”

“This is the reason why i’m a baby-faced lush!”

(Actor should speak in a sarcastic voice.)

“By the way, thanks Mom! Thanks Dad! You’re doin’ a great job! Keep up the good work! I’m gonna’ nominate you bozos for parent of the year!”

“Not!”

(Actor should speak in a belligerent voice.)

“So the next time you adults who have the power to make your own decisions feel the need to whine about how your boss forced you to work late making you miss game seven of the World Series, shut your hole and quit bellyachin’ cause some of us kids with no power don’t want to hear it because we got real problems!”

“Just remember that it could always suck more and yes i’m talking about those damn “kid leashes again!”

“Goodbye and have a nice day, loser!”

3 Responses so far »

  1. 1

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  2. 2

    Wow! Thank you! I continuously wanted to write on my blog something like that. Can I implement a portion of your post to my website?


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