THE SHERYL CROW INTIMATE PORTRAIT OF A P-E-R-F-O-R-A-T-E-D P-S-Y-C-H-O SONG!


(Song Instructions: This song should be performed in a spoken word format to the music from the movie, Psycho which starred Anthony Perkins and Janet Leigh. Also, try to use as many special effects as you can while performing the song and don’t forget to speak the words of this song into a large butcher knife. P.S. Try not to take your eye, nose or tongue out! At the end of your performance of this spoken word song be sure to hand out as gifts to your audience plenty of toilet paper, Sheryl Crow cd’s and Hershey Bars. Below are additional tips to enhance your performance of this spoken word song.)

(VERSE 1)
“From mild-mannered school teacher to smokin’ hot grammy award-winning vocalist.”
“Where did it all go so terribly wrong?”
“SHERYL CROW, PORTRAIT OF A P-E-R-F-O-R-A-T-E-D P-S-Y-C-H-O!”
“Tear it off on the dotted line, bitch!”
(Spoken word artist should say the above line in a mocking/sarcastic voice.)

(VERSE 2)
“To Lance Armstrong bike ornament to break-up with Lance Armstrong roadkill.”
(Suggested Sound Effects: Include a female scream followed by a loud crash after “roadkill.”)
“Where did it all go so terribly wrong?”
“SHERYL CROW, PORTRAIT OF A P-E-R-F-O-R-A-T-E-D P-S-Y-C-H-O!”
“Tear it off on the dotted line, bitch!”
(Spoken word artist should say the above line in a mocking/sarcastic voice.)

(VERSE 3)
“She seemed so sweet.” (Evil Laugh.) “Ha! Ha! Ha!”
“She seemed so tame.” (Evil Laugh.) “Ha! Ha! Ha!”
“Nobody knew that this bitch was insane!” (Evil Laugh.) “Ha! Ha! Ha!”
“SHERYL CROW, PORTRAIT OF A P-E-R-F-O-R-A-T-E-D P-S-Y-C-H-O!”
“Tear it off on the dotted line, bitch!”
(Spoken word artist should say the above line in a mocking/sarcastic voice.)

(VERSE 4)
“Oh Sheryl, Sheryl, Sheryl, what the hell happened?
“Oh Sheryl, when did it all go so terribly wrong?”
“Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! I know! I know! I know!”
(Spoken word artist should say the above line in an Arnold Horshack-Welcome Back, Kotter voice. To get into character, spoken word artist might want to practice frantically waving his hand in the air in front of a mirror to see how stupid they look.)
“Well, according to most experts and Arnold Horshack of Welcome Back, Kotter fame, April 19, 2007 was the day when Sheryl Crow went totally P-e-r-f-o-r-a-t-e-d P-s-y-c-h-o on our ass!”
“Tear it off on the dotted line, bitch!”
(Spoken word artist should say the above line in a mocking/sarcastic voice.)
“April 19, 2007, a day that will live in infamy!”
“It is the day when Sheryl Crow uttered these words.”
(Spoken word artist should take on a Sheryl Crow-like voice when reciting the next line.)
“I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit except of course on those pesky occasions where two or three squares could be required.”
“Experts believe that with these ill-fated words, Sheryl Crow sealed her fate as one of the biggest laughingstock’s in history!”
“Case in point, this song!”
“Tear it off on the dotted line, bitch!”
(Spoken word artist should say the above line in a mocking/sarcastic voice.)

(VERSE 5)
“Sheryl Crow, a woman scorned, a woman out-of-control and a woman out of her damn mind if she thinks that i’m only going to use three squares of toilet paper after I take a dump!”
“This bitch is c-r-a-z-y!”
“Sheryl, can kiss my 800 toilet paper square-wiped ass!”
“Tear it off on the dotted line, bitch!”
(Spoken word artist should say the above line in a mocking/sarcastic voice.)

(VERSE 6)
“Frustrated, hurt and pissed off at the world for not limiting their toilet paper use to three squares per restroom visit, Sheryl Crow had had enough!”
“She reached her breaking point!”
“The chick finally snapped!”
(Suggested Sound Effects: Play the sound of a snapped item like a pencil, twig or carrot after this line.)
“It was right then and there that Sheryl Crow decided to get revenge the only way that she knew how.”
“Sheryl Crow decided to get revenge the “P-E-R-F-O-R-A-T-E-D P-S-Y-C-H-O” way!”
(Evil laugh.) “Ha! Ha! Ha!”
“Tear it off on the dotted line, bitch!”
(Spoken word artist should say the above line in a mocking/sarcastic voice.)

(VERSE 7)
“Sheryl, quickly gathered together what was left of the few fans that she had after that “limit toilet paper to three squares per restroom visit bullshit” and did the unthinkable!”
“That’s right, Sheryl Crow convinced her fans to sneak into chocolate factories and carve three dotted lines into all of the chocolate candy bars in the world so that they would be “P-E-R-F-O-R-A-T-E-D!)”
(Evil Laugh.) “Ha! Ha! Ha!”
(Spoken word artist should recite the next line in a Sheryl Crow-like voice.)
“I got you guys! I got you guys, good! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! That’ll teach you, that’ll teach you to mess with Sheryl Crow!”
“Tear it off on the dotted line, bitch or suffer the consequences!”
(Spoken word artist should say the above line in a mocking/sarcastic voice.)

(VERSE 8)

“When probed by reporters about her bizarre revenge slash conspiracy plot Sheryl Crow said that she was inspired by some lyrics from the Alanis Morissette hit song, “You Oughta’ Know.”
“According to Sheryl, the minute that I heard the words, ‘Every time I scratch my nails down someone else’s back I hope you feel it! Well, can you feel it!’ I knew what I had to do.”
“Now every time a person tears off a piece of chocolate on the dotted line, I want them to feel my toilet paper pain. I want them to feel it! I said I want the bastards to feel it! I hope they feel it!”
“Because I, Sheryl Crow, am here to remind you of the mess that you left when you used more than three squares of toilet paper a day! It’s not fair to make fun of me, for the toilet paper conservation cross that I bear that you selfish bastards gave to me! You, you, you oughta’ know, BETTER!”
“And by the by, don’t forget to tear it off on the dotted line, bitch!”
(Spoken word artist should say the above line in a mocking/sarcastic voice.)
(Evil Laugh.) “Ha! Ha! Ha!”

(VERSE 9)
“And that concludes our intimate portrait of Sheryl Crow, Portrait of a P-e-r-f-o-r-a-t-e-d P-s-y-c-h-o. Until next time, goodbye and I hope that you enjoyed the song!”
(Evil laugh.) “Ha! Ha! Ha!”
“And don’t forget to tear the toilet paper and the chocolate off on the dotted line, bitch!”
DISCLAIMER: Nothing in this song should be taken seriously. It is strictly for entertainment purposes only. Plus I love Sheryl Crow! Sheryl, i’ve got nothing but love for you baby! But come on Sheryl, three squares of toilet paper max per restroom visit, bitch p-u-h-l-e-a-s-e!
“There ain’t no way i’m gonna’ tear the toilet paper or the chocolate off on the dotted line, bitch!”
(Spoken word artist should say the above line in a mocking/sarcastic voice.)
“So take that, Sheryl Crow!”
“You perforated psycho!”

NoMoreTearsEnoughisEnough

EnoughisEnoughNoMoreTearsUnofficialAntiTrumpSong

2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Hello there, You’ve done an excellent job. I’ll certainly digg it and personally recommend to my friends. I’m sure they’ll be benefited from this site.

  2. 2

    I made the mistake of reading this while getting ready for bed. I became so involved in this that I was up longer than usual. http://www.samsung1080phdtv.net/


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