Archive for January, 2012

HOW TO FOOT FLIRT WITH CUTE GUYS! (THE ULTIMATE SNEAKY BAG OF TRICKS OF EXPERIENCED FEMALES GUIDE)


GET YOUR NASTY ASS GIFTS HERE FOR ALL OCCASIONS!

WHAT IS FLIRTING?

Flirting is a fun form of communication between a man and a woman usually expressing a sexual or romantic interest in the other person. It can consist of conversation or body language. Flirting can be one-sided or reciprocal.

WHY DO SOME WOMEN FLIRT?

Some women flirt to arouse sexual interest in men. Others flirt to entertain and amuse themselves or their friends. While other women flirt to get attention. There are some extremely seductive women who flirt to flaunt their sex appeal to exploit men while some women flirt just for the fun and the hell of it with no serious intentions or expectations. The reasons why women flirt are endless baby!

WHAT IS THE ULTIMATE GOAL OF FLIRTING?

The ultimate goal of flirting is to determine the other person’s interest in a relationship. The interest could lead to a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship or it could lead to a more serious commitment like marriage or it could lead to one night of meaningless casual sex with no strings attached. It all depends on the person.

WHAT IS FOOT FLIRTING?

Foot Flirting is basically the same as regular flirting except that a female uses her feet to arouse romantic or sexual interest.

WHAT DO YOU NEED TO FOOT FLIRT?

-FLATTERING FEET
This is a must! To obtain “nice feet” you don’t have to spend money on an expensive pedicure, simply make sure your toenails are clipped and clean. Also make sure your feet are pumised and moisturized! Dry, cracked flaky skin on the feet is a definite turn-off to guys. Moisturized feet that look “too greasy” is also a turn-off to guys so go easy on the lotion! Strike a balance between the two. The one thing that turns alot of guys on is nail polish. Remember to choose a color of nail polish that compliments your skin tone. If you can’t find a color of nail polish that you like or you are a woman who simply doesn’t like to polish her toenails try using a clear glossy nail polish instead to give your toes some pizazz! A simple toe ring or tasteful ankle bracelet can be worn to draw additional attention to the feet.

-FLATTERING FOOTWEAR
High-heeled shoes are a must and they should make alot of noise when you walk, ladies. They should be sandal-type shoes that show your toes or mules with no backs. If you absolutely have to wear flats again make sure that they show your toes or the shoes have no backs to them. Choose fun colors like red or pink although a pair of basic black can do just as good a job as colored shoes can. Also gals always remember to make sure your shoes smell good. No man wants to foot flirt with a woman who has stinky shoes. So if possible try to wear brand spanking new shoes or shoes that smell decent or are spritzed with a little shoe spray or powder to make them smell good. Baby powder also works great too!

-FLATTERING CLOTHING
A flattering dress that shows off your legs and feet is an absolute must! The dress should be either “slightly above the knee” or “slightly below the knee.” Try to stay away from mini-skirts and short-shorts! Even a nice pair of long slacks would be great just as long as sandal-type shoes that expose the toes or backless shoes are worn with the slacks. Make sure your clothing goes with your footwear.

-FLATTERING FRAGRANCE
When you walk by your “target” your perfume should linger seductively in the air not hang there like a dark cloud! It should provide a “sexy aura” while you are flirting. Remember to use scented foot lotions or foot balms or even spritz your feet with a little bit of perfume. Perfume can be pleasing to the senses and arouse a man’s libido.

HOW DO I FOOT FLIRT WITH GUYS?

It’s easy!

Situation 1: The Walk By

Gals, go to the social gathering of your choice whether it be a wedding reception, a sporting event or even a trip to the local bar/saloon, hell it could even be right out on the street when you spot a cute guy that you are interested in.

Ladies, if there is no visible girlfriend in sight and you are pretty sure that he is single and you don’t see a wedding ring or tan line on your guys finger, simply walk by him and when you are no more than 1 to 2 feet away from him “accidentally” step out of one of your shoes and leave it behind. Gals, pretend that you are Cinderella leaving the ball and you left behind one of your glass slippers for your prince to retrieve.

Try to get at least 1 to 2 feet away from your fallen shoe in order to give the cute guy that you are interested in time to retrieve it before you do. Also try to say very loudly and innocently, “Oh no! My shoe!” And ladies remember to try to say the line naturally. Don’t pour it on too thick! Remember gals you are trying to attract the attention of a cute guy not an oscar nomination.

When at last you finally turn around and make to retrieve your fallen shoe be sure to walk as slowly as you possibly can get away with again giving the cute guy that you are interested in time to retrieve your shoe.

Once you finally come face to face with the cute guy that you are interested in tell him “thank you” and wink at him in your most seductive way then hold out your foot (be sure to wiggle your toes) and ask him to put the shoe on for you. Ladies, do not put on your own fallen shoe, let him do it! Remember, he is your prince charming, your knight in shining armour!

Once your cute guy puts your shoe back on your foot thank him again with a winning smile. Also try to touch him by patting him on the shoulder or tousling his hair playfully to give him another big signal that you are interested in him. (I mean gals, who knows, he may ask you to sit down and join him, ask you to stay for a drink, ask you for your phone number or even ask you out for a date right then and there. Foot flirting can be a very powerful method. And ladies if you are getting some “good vibrations” from your cute guy go ahead and take the damn initiative and ask him out or give him your phone number. If opportunity knocks ladies, quickly open the damn door!)

Situation 2: The Sitdown

If you happen to notice a cute unattached guy in a social setting and there is a seat next to him available take advantage of this opportunity and sit down next to him. Try to angle yourself so that your legs and feet are in his direct line of vision. Casually strike up a conversation with him. If you are getting some “good vibrations” from him while you are talking start foot flirting right away by taking off one of your shoes and gliding your toes up and down your cute guy’s leg playfully to let him know that you are really interested in him. If he really responds to this ask him right then and there to give you a foot massage to prolong the physical contact between the two of you. When either of you is about to leave be sure to ask your prince to replace your shoe on your foot. Ladies, don’t do it yourself insist that he do it! And right before he replaces your shoe be sure to ask him if he likes your toe polish or pedicure to prolong his vision on your feet.

The Missteps of Foot Flirting:

Ladies don’t get mad or discouraged if a couple of things go wrong when you are foot flirting such as an unexpected wife or girlfriend may enter the picture. Simply tell the wife or girlfriend that you thought the cute guy was single, apologize and simply walk away. Perhaps another guy or even a girl may happen to retrieve your shoe before your cute guy does if this happens graciously thank the person for retrieving your shoe and try foot flirting again at a later date. Perhaps your guy has an aversion or dislike of feet or women who flirt in general or simply he may not be that into you in this instance hold your head high and walk away. Always remember ladies that there may be more women on this planet than men but there are still splenty of fish in the sea and in particular one of them is specifically waiting to be caught by you. Again ladies always remember that you are beautiful, special and strong! Just hang in there! One day your prince will come but until then keep the faith and keep foot flirting!

Good luck!

This is Tina “Knowledgeable” Peden wishing you single ladies champagne breath kisses and caviar dreams from the man of your dreams!

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THE NEW AMERICAN MOTTO SOCIAL NETWORKING SONG WRITTEN BY TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN!


Here is a fun parody song spoofing the social network.  Enjoy!

CHORUS:

So Facebook me when you get home or send me a Tweet,

If I don’t know all of your business and you don’t know all of mine my life just ain’t complete!

VERSE 1:

I check my Facebook page 1-2-3-4 sometimes 5 times a day,

Body twitches, heart palpatations, twiddling my thumbs occur if I don’t do it frequently okay,

It’s not my fault that Facebook is the most powerful drug on the market that I don’t have the strength to say no to it, no freakin’ way,

Like it or not baby like cockroaches and chocolate, Facebook and the social network are two uber bitches here to stay!

CHORUS:

So Facebook me when you get home or send me a Tweet,

If I don’t know all of your business and you don’t know all of mine my life just ain’t complete!

VERSE 2:

Rockin’ robin tweet tweet tweet, rockin’ robin tweet tweet tweet,

Go rockin’ Twitter and bop your ass down the street,

(Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet!)

Much thanks Twitter for giving me a small-ass platform to send important or totally lame short-ass messages to every tom, dick and harry that I meet,

(Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet!)

I love you Twitter i’m forever in your debt and I will now kiss your ass and wash your clawed stinky-ass feet!

(Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet!)

CHORUS:

So Facebook me when you get home or send me a Tweet,

If I don’t know all of your business and you don’t know all of mine my life just ain’t complete!

(Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet!)

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TOP 10 REASONS TO BE GLAD THE REVEREND AL SHARPTON ISN’T RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT IN THE 2012 ELECTION!


Number 10: If you are a White person and don’t vote for him, basically you are a racist.

Number 9: If you are a Hispanic person and don’t vote for him, basically you are a racist.

Number 8: If you are a Asian person and don’t vote for him, basically you are a racist.

Number 7: If you are a race, nationality or creed other than the above and don’t vote for him basically you are a racist.

Number 6: If you are a Black person and don’t vote for him, you are not only a traitor but you should be kicked out of the Black race just like Michael Jackson.

Number 5: If you are not a Black person and use the phrase, “That’s the pot calling the kettle black”, basically you are a racist.

Number 4: If he catches you buying a can of green olives at the supermarket basically you are a racist because you didn’t do the Reverend Jeremiah “Wright” thing and buy the black olives.

Number 3: If he sees you eating white, brown, red and yellow jelly beans and not eating the black jelly beans basically you are a racist.

Number 2: If you make any kind of racial slur (i.e. the “n” word or nappy-headed ho) and truly regret your hateful words afterward, be prepared to appear on his radio show for a severe scolding only to be told that you are a racist who will never be forgiven which is the perfect message a man of the cloth should be sending out. (Hey Don Imus, I can feel your pain!)

Number 1: Bouffant’s in your face twenty-four hours a day until November 2012! No! No! No! Say it isn’t so! (I’m sorry but a Black
Man wearing a bouffant hairdo is just plain wrong at least from this Black Woman who just wrote this blog post point of view!)

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RELAX, PET OWNERS, BECAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT PETA CALLING YOU A MICROCHIP PIMP WHEN IT COMES TO THIS PROCEDURE!


Last week I was listening to the radio and a commercial from the New Hampshire Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals came on.

No biggie.

Until they mentioned the word, “microchip.”

I thought for sure that they had made a mistake when at the end of the commercial they gave a reminder to pet owners to be sure to not only spay or neuter their pets but to microchip them too.

Again, I was positive that this was some kind of typo until my curiosity got the better of me and I “Googled” the phrase, “microchip your pet.”

People, I was shocked!

Why am I always the last person to know about the latest technology.

I couldn’t believe that a person could do this to their pet.

But they can.

In fact the process is quite simple since the microchip itself is slightly larger than a grain of rice and is placed just under the skin by a veterinarian. Plus, it has an anti-migration cap that helps prevent movement within the pet’s body so basically no matter how hard Lassie or Morris the Cat scratches, the microchip will stay in place.

Cool! Or should I say “wuf, wuf!”

As I was reading more about this subject I discovered that the pros of doing this procedure definitely outweigh the cons.

Below are just a few of the pros:

-This technology can be used in any kind of animal at any age and it will last for their lifetime.

-The procedure is inexpensive meaning you won’t have to shell out stacks of cash to get it done.

-The procedure doesn’t hurt the animal meaning you won’t have PETA throwing paintballs at you thereby ruining your favorite clothing or calling you a “microchip pimp” or something along those lines.

-The microchip is a form of permanent identification meaning it’s difficult to lose or remove.

-Each chip is encoded with a unique and unalterable identification code that can only be activated when read by a scanner.

P.S. Technology can be so cool!

-This procedure was adopted by the American Kennel Club for their Companion Animal Recovery (CAR) program which helps to reunite lost pets with their owners. Basically, after a pet has been microchipped, the ID number is enrolled with CAR who maintains a worldwide enrollment database and a recovery service that works 24-hours-a-day, 365-days-a-year. Shelters and veterinarians throughout the United States use scanners when a lost pet is found. A call to the 800 number of CAR is simple and efficient.

-Helps keep neighborhoods looking tidy due to not having “lost pet” signs all over the damn place.

So pet owners, what are your waiting for?

Do yourself and the neighborhood a favor and take down that tacky-ass “lost pet” sign that you wrote on cardboard with Crayola magic markers.

And go out and get your pets microchipped today before they get lost tomorrow!

Plus, you don’t want any problems with your neighbors.

I mean, what if you are broke-ass one day and run out of sugar.

Who else are you gonna’ borrow it from but your neighbor.

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IS NOTHING SACRED: WHEN I DIE I WANT MY ASHES SENT BY UPS OR FEDERAL EXPRESS!


Two days ago, I just finished reading a fictional novel by one of my favorite authors, Terry McMillan.

The novel was called The Interruption Of Everything.

Even though the book kind of reminded me of one of her previous books (i.e. part of me feels like she plagarized from herself), it still was an entertaining read.

The reason why I am mentioning reading this book at all is because I found out an odd but interesting little tidbit in it.

P.S. Of course, i’m always the last to know these things.

In the last part of the novel, the main character’s sister, Joy, is tragically killed and her sister learns that she can make all the arrangements for Joy’s cremation ONLINE!

Furthermore, she also learns that the coroner’s office encourages this option and more and more people are using it!

P.S. Would you use it?

Plus, get this people!

They could also send her sister’s ashes in a box that was available in a multitude of styles (because let’s face it people, everybody wants a flashy urn displayed prominently on their mantle) and gave her the choice of using UPS Ground or FedEx to send it!

P.S. When your dead aunt’s ashes absolutely, positively, have to be there over night!

(Loud-ass snicker!)

Another P.S. I am being such a wise-ass! But I just can’t help it! I mean is nothing sacred?

Anyhoo, in one of the best passages of the novel, the main character Marilyn says something that’s totally spooky, totally true and totally sad.

And I quote, “Living is definitely hard but apparently dying and being put to rest is a whole lot easier these days. Too easy.”

(Loud-ass clapping!)

I totally agree with this statement!

People, no offense, but let me ask you a question.

Call me crazy or old-fashioned or whatever the hell you want to, but is burying a dead person you obviously know such a hardship that you can’t even take the time and go into an actual funeral parlor and make the funeral arrangements IN PERSON?

I mean, must everything be done online?

Geez!

Is nothing sacred?

Must everything be about convenience, even in death?

Yet Another P.S. Part of me really misses the 1970’s when there was no internet.

But then again part of me doesn’t because I wouldn’t be able to share this article on WordPress with you if there were no internet.

Sometimes technology can really be a double-edged sword!

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HEY IT’S POLITICALLY INCORRECT TIME: WHY CAN’T FAT PEOPLE WEAR FRILLY UNDERWEAR TOO!


Yesterday, I was riding the bus out to the mall when it made a routine stop.

A woman with a child in a stroller came out of a store.

The child was very young.

The child began to cry and the mother bent down to comfort her.

In the process of doing this, the back of her shirt rode up and the blue jeans that she was wearing rode down exposing her frilly black g-string underwear.

Then all of a sudden laughter exploded everywhere.

And I mean everywhere!

I am not exaggerating!

I mean except for me, people on the bus, the sidewalks and in 2 cars that I saw were cracking up.

Why were people laughing you may ask?

Unfortunately the woman with the child in the stroller who was wearing the frilly black g-string underwear was extremely overweight.

And people were not nice about it!

I mean in addition to the laughing, the comments that some of the “gentlemen” were making were enough to bring even a few tears to my eyes.

(I mean, is wearing frilly underwear while you’re overweight so bad? Is it that big of a crime?)

The situation was so gross and heartbreaking!

I felt so sorry for that woman because i’m 100% sure that she heard some of the laughter and the comments.

This event definitely got me thinking.

Why can’t overweight people wear frilly undergarments and not be penalized?

I mean, at 180 pounds i’m no toothpick but i’ve never really been laughed at because of my weight.

It’s interesting how we take some things for granted or never think about things until something unfortunate like this happens.

I figure as long as it makes you feel good, you bought it with your own money and it ain’t illegal, a person can wear whatever the hell they want and it’s nobody’s business but their own.

Some people really need to mind their own business and show others some common courtesy!

Hey kudos to this woman for at least buying and wearing g-string undies!

You go big and beautiful girl!

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HEY PARENTS: DO YOUR JOB AND SHUT THAT KID UP! WE’RE IN A PUBLIC PLACE AND YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE QUIET!


Hey, check out this oldie but goodie post that I wrote back in October of 2008!

Recently I was using a public computer at the library when all of a sudden a woman with 2 under the age of 3 years old children peers into the computer center.

Involuntarily my eyes began to move heavenward and I said a mental prayer that the woman and her 2 kids wouldn’t sit at the empty computer station next to me.

Apparently my prayers were answered a few seconds later when they moved on to another part of the library.

After silently rejoicing, I got to thinkin’ a bit.

A huge part of me was so happy when the mother and her 2 kids didn’t sit down next to me at the empty computer station because I came to use the computer in semi-peace and folks I know that in a public library there is obviously going to be noise but I just didn’t feel like hearing it from the mother and her 2 kids in so close proximity to me.  And also because I knew that or assumed that the noise that the mother and her 2 kids would be making would be noise on a grand central station type scale.  And to put it plainly,  I just didn’t want to hear that shit!

And folks, I know that the world doesn’t revolve around me, but I honestly have to say that at that particular moment in the library it did.  And that really pissed me off!   Which is why the other part of me was so sad and disappointed in myself because of my blatant discrimination of these 3 people who had just as much of a right to sit down at a computer station in a public library as me.  And who knows, all three of them could have been as quiet as a church mouse.

You see folks, this is what you get when you assume.

Folks, it is my sincere wish that discrimination of all kinds will end forever someday and soon!

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