TINA KNOWLEDGEABLE PEDEN’S DATING TIPS FOR WOMEN! (TIP 1) THIS ONE IS FOR MY GIRLS!


Hey Junk Food Junkie Gals, let me give you a tip.

DON’T CHANGE YOUR EATING HABITS RIGHT BEFORE YOU GO OUT ON A DATE!

JFJ Gals, your date ain’t gonna’ be able to handle it and your stomach damn well ain’t gonna’ be able to handle this shit either! Literally!

Girl let me school ya’!

Your stomach is used to all of that beautiful artery clogging grease due to all of those thick-ass, stacked-ass double cheeseburgers with all of the fixins that you have been wolfin’ down and all of those long-ass salty-ass french fries drenched with catsup that you have been scarfin’ up and all of those golden brown fried twinkies loaded with so many damn preservatives that if you left the bitch for 100 years and came back, the damn twinkie would still be edible, that your gluttonous ass has been gobblin’ up!

Girl, that’s the shit that your stomach is used to! So Girl, don’t be goin’ and committin’ suicide all up on your date! Girl, let me tell ya’ that your date ain’t gonna’ like it, the police ain’t gonna’ like it, the paramedics ain’t gonna’ like it and your family and friends sure as hell ain’t gonna’ like being inconvenienced and having to dole out mad cash simply because your stupid-ass got herself killed by deciding to turn over a new health food leaf on your date! Girl, wake the fuck up! So Girl, quit it! But in your case, don’t begin it!

Girl, if your dumb junk food junkie ass wants to turn over a new health food leaf, choose a different appropriate time like a week or two before you have your annual physical examination at the doctor’s office! Girl, that’s the perfect time for your junk food eatin’ ass!

BUT and I mean a big-ass BUT, for all of my stubborn-ass Junk Food Junkie Gals absolutely determined to turn over a new health food leaf on their date then your dumb-ass had better come prepared! Girl, let me give you some more advice and I pray to God you’ll take it this time. For God’s sake, go to the nearest Walmart before you go on your date and stock up on these supplies.

A big-ass can of air freshner due to all of the fartin’ and shittin’ you’ll be doing all up in the bathroom, a tin of altoid mints due to your nasty stinky breath from all of the upchuckin’ that you’ll be doing all up in the bathroom, a couple packages of tums antacid due to all of the upchuckin’ you’ll be doing all up in the bathroom, an extra pair of drawers due to soiling yourself from all of the fartin’ and shittin’ that you’ll be doing all up in the bathroom, a “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego Detective Kit” for your date so that he can find you and determine if you simply deserted his ass or your shits really take that long, some boxing gloves so that you can protect yourself from all of the punches and bitch-slaps that you’ll be receiving from the establishment’s staff for stinkin’ up their bathroom and cloggin’ up their toilet and last but not least a first aid kit so that you can patch yourself up from all of the punches and bitch-slaps that you received due to all of the fartin’, shittin’, upchuckin’ and toilet cloggin’ that you did all up in that establishment’s bathroom.

Girl, be prepared for World War 3 if you decide to change your eating habits right before you go out on a date!

And don’t say, my girl, Tina Knowledgeable Peden didn’t warn you!

Because I did!

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