THE COLUMBIA HOUSE RECORD CLUB MEMORIAL SONG!


Oh, no,

Oh why did you have to go,

Folks, Friday, June 29th 2012 will mark the one year anniversary of the death of an industry giant, yo,

And for all of you folks not in the loop or in the know,

Former mail order giant, Columbia House Record Club quietly closed their dusty-ass cobwebbed doors, oh no baby, say it ain’t so,

Hey ya’ll here’s the 411 on a company who got kicked to the curb by Napster and was unable to make any dough,

For a down payment of a mere penny, 12 records or cassettes were shipped a few weeks later to an average joe,

And from the fifties to the nineties youngins all over the country like me got to shake their groove things, ho,

I personally received my 12 cassettes back in the 80’s consisting of Lionel Ritchie, Culture Club and Michael Jackson complete with his greasy-ass jheri curl fro,

And for many a year Columbia House was rollin’ in the deep makin’ them benjamins from head to toe,

But folks what goes up must also come down baby and for Columbia House they hit rock bottom, oh them bitches sunk low,

Napster, non-payments by club members and because of the high costs of hiring collection agencies to recoup their precious dough,

Columbia House Record Club folded faster than a house of cards and became a forgotten footnote in pop culture history bro,

Well at least until now yo,

Unfortunately it’s been 30 years since I stiffed you guys on the 12 cassettes so…

I wrote this song for you to try to make up for it so I hope this Columbia House Record Club will make us friends not foe,

Goodbye to you Columbia House Record Club you had a damn good ride and made one hell of a successful go,

Cheerio to you, my beautiful beau!

So damn sorry that I forgot about you before I could pay you what I owe!

P.S.    But Columbia House Record Club in my defense I was only 12 years old when I signed that contract and usually you have to be 18 years old to enter into a legal contract in the USA. Sorry!

And last but not least I would also like to take the time to say a proper goodbye to former superstar, Michael Jackson. Michael, it has been 3 years since your death and I still really miss you and the beautiful music that you would have made!

Thank you Columbia House Record Club for being the first company to truly introduce me to Michael Jackson’s music! I really appreciate it!

Rest in peace Michael Jackson and Columbia House Record Club!

I will truly miss the both of you!

It is truly the end of an era.

2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

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