Archive for November, 2012

I HAVE A “PRETTY” UNUSUAL CHRISTMAS-RELATED QUESTION THIS HOLIDAY SEASON!


With the Christmas holiday season officially underway it got me to thinking of all of the things that officially go together with Christmas like decorating the Christmas tree and the outside of your house with many strings of colored lights, paying a humongous electric bill after Christmas due to decorating the Christmas tree and the outside of your house with many strings of colored lights, watching Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer; Frosty the Snowman; A Charlie Brown Christmas; A Christmas Story; Miracle on 34th Street and It’s a Wonderful Life a million times in a one month stretch and dreading receiving the ultimate regifting Christmas present, a nasty ol’ fruitcake roll that has been in regifting circulation before even the concept of Santa Claus was even born.

But I must say the biggest thing on my mind in regards to things that officially go with Christmas are none of the above normal things but something a bit more unusual. Let me explain what’s in my unique mind in the form of a question. And here we go!

QUESTION: Will Molly Ringwald find it in her pretty in pink heart to wish Julia Roberts positive Christmas cheer this holiday season?

For those of you people out there who have been living under a rock and don’t know who these two women are, let me fill you in.

Both Molly Ringwald and Julia Roberts are actresses and have had incredible success in their acting careers but unfortunately people only one of these women is a superstar in part due to a bad decision by the other.

You see people, Molly Ringwald, the popular teen queen of the 80’s of such teen classic films like 16 Candles, The Breakfast Club and Pretty in Pink was offered the role of Vivian, the loveable hooker in the smash hit movie, Pretty Woman but foolishly and stupidly turned the role down thereby making room for a young and virtually unknown actress by the name of Julia Roberts who wisely accepted the role and this role made Julia a superstar and one of the highest paid actresses in Hollywood and she still holds these titles even today while poor Molly Ringwald and I strongly stress the word “poor” went on to become a footnote in 80′ teenybopper cinema and was unfortunately never able to make the smooth and successful transition like Jodie Foster into successful “adult” movie star actress.

Which brings me back to my original question, “Will Molly Ringwald find it in her pretty in pink heart to wish Julia Roberts positive Christmas cheer this holiday season?”

I mean let’s face it people, Molly has every reason in the world not to want to send Julia positive Christmas cheer this season (primarily financial) but on the other hand nobody held a gun to Molly’s head and told her that she had to turn down the lead female role in the hit movie, Pretty Woman.

People, I am going to take my question a little further.

Will Molly Ringwald send Julia Roberts a nice Christmas card this holiday season telling her Merry Christmas and “no biggie” that due to her own stupidity Julia went on to monumental superstar motion picture acting success while the majority of people today like me who have never seen an episode of the ABC Family television show, The Secret Life of the American Teenager which Ringwald currently stars in, view her as just another washed-up celebrity from the past who made extremely bad career decisions like David Caruso, Debra Winger, Richard Grieco and Shelley Long?

Or will Molly take the low early in the show Grinch and Scrooge road this Christmas season and tell Julia to go fuck herself on one of the many crappy reality shows that so many of the washed-up celebrities from the past constantly appear on?

Hmmm???

It is a question that extremely nosey trouble making spiked eggnog filled people like me are dying to know this Christmas season!

Anyhoo, Have a Very Merry Christmas people!

And Molly, I support you on whatever you want to do.

P.S. I love the movies, 16 Candles, The Breakfast Club and Pretty in Pink!

Molly Ringwald, you totally ruled the teenaged 80’s!

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I LOVE BABIES FULL OF PISS & VINEGAR!


Hey mommies & daddies all over the world,
here are two things that your unborn babies
are yearning to tell you before they are born!

Number 1:

Number 2:

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MAKE A NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION TO ……….


What kind of person are you?
(Choose one of the answers below.)

Question:
If you see a bluejay sitting peacefully on top of a satellite dish right outside of your window avidly watching the traffic go by out on the street, what do you do?

A.     Say “ahhh, isn’t that cute” then avoid opening your window or curtains fully so that you won’t scare the sweet creature away.

B.     Hurriedly find your digital camera and capture the shot so that you can try to make a little money off of this cute little scene on one of the many stock photo websites like Shutterstock.com.

C.     Tap on the window loudly in an effort to get rid of this traffic-watching loser.

D.     Hurriedly fill a glass half full with water then quickly and quietly open the window with one hand and as soon as that sucker is open literally give that bluejay “a bird bath” by throwing the half full glass of water at the bird then laugh your ass off about it for 30 minutes when you hit your target.

E.     Immediately call the satellite dish provider and report that the bird has been stealing cable television for over 6 minutes then hang up and laugh your ass off about the call for two hours.

Well folks, whatever kind of person that you are and hopefully you aren’t a letter “D” person, make a New Year’s Resolution to be better this year and do whatever you can within the law of course to make that happen.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2013 EVERYONE!

P.S.     Bluejays rule!

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TWO OF MRS. CLAUS’ NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS FOR 2013!


(Mrs. Claus’ New Year’s Resolution 1!)
-Offer to perform 69 with Santa in lieu of having to sing 1 more goddamn’ Christmas carol to 666 snot-nosed fucking brats on Christmas eve.

AND

(Mrs. Claus’ New Year’s Resolution 2!)
-Use my hot cross buns vibrator with the frankincense & myrrh clitoral stimulator only during Lent so that way I won’t have to give up “meat” altogether because lord knows I ain’t gettin’ any from Santa.

ANYHOO, MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR, FOLKS!

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