Archive for Tina Knowledgeable Peden’s A Noteworthy Attribute Reviews

TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S A NOTEWORTHY ATTRIBUTE REVIEWS: THE NEVER HIRE HART PLUMBING & HEATING IN GREENLAND NEW HAMPSHIRE SONG!


This is an old Yelp review that I wrote.

Hart Plumbing & Heating
Riverside Dr
Greenland, NH 03840
(603) 431-8688
Category: Plumbing

A Noteworthy Attribute:
(Hart Plumbing & Heating)
Cost: I will not and never shall share! — Because I will surely perish if you let them step one stockinged foot into your precious lair!

* P.S. I just finished watching the kick-butt movie adaptations of Pride & Prejudice and Sense & Sensibility by master story teller, Jane Austen, hence my previous and future words in this review.

Anyhoo……….

Dearest Sir Yelpers and Lady Yelpettes, I hope that what I am about to tell you will be of no impertinence to you but as a loyal and amiable servant of Yelp who has recently acquired this business’ services on March 28th and April 24th of this calendar year, I strongly feel that I would be remiss in my duties as a fine and upstanding online citizen if I did not share my recent experiences with you because someday if you are ever living in the Dover New Hampshire area you might indeed need to engage the services of a plumbing & heating specialist and if this unfortunate time does ever come, for the love of what’s all good and decent, stay away from this business!

And as a consequence of my disgust and disappointment in Hart Plumbing & Heating’s services, I find myself with the unfortunate inability to express my thoughts with words in this review. Please, forgive me! And rest assured that I am and will always be your faithful devoted servant so instead of expressing my thoughts about Hart Plumbing & Heating in words I will do as the many bonny songwriters of the eighteenth century did, I will express my thoughts in song which are basically words anyway. So without further ado, may I present to you “The Never Hire Hart Plumbing & Heating In Greenland New Hampshire Song!”

“Call Hart Plumbing & Heating in Greenland New Hampshire at 603-431-8688,”

“For ineptitude, unprofessionalism, inconvenience and a long a*s wait,”

“Hey Robert C. Hart Jr., your company’s got some serious issues baby that I truly hate,”

“So get your shizit together before you lose more customers like me starting from this date,”

“To you this song, I lovingly, which is a total oxymoron in itself, wholeheartedly dedicate,”

“And remember just because time keeps slippin’, slippin’, slippin into the future doesn’t give your totally lame employees the right to be tardy and make your customers stew because for their important appointments they are really late,”

“That is really bad and unprofessional, a fatal and unforgiveable business trait,”

“Since you Robert C. Hart Jr. are ultimately responsible for the behaviour of your employees I hope your A+ rating at the Better Business Bureau suffers a most tarnished fate!”

P.S. Hence this online accurate Yelp review.

Jolly good day to all of you who have read this most unusual Yelp review!

And always remember that I am your most faithful and devoted servant!

P.S. Jane Austen totally rocks!

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S A NOTEWORTHY ATTRIBUTE REVIEWS: HAPPY EARTH DAY RUNNERS OF AMERICA! THIS ONE’S FOR YOU!


Hey runners, I wrote this review just for you!
To read the review please read on!

A Noteworthy Attribute:
(Runner’s Alley)
Cost: Varies–On how much your body carries!As singer, Manfred Mann of Manfred Mann’s Earth Band once famously sang in his 1984 hit song, Runner:Through the night
Through the dawn
Behind you another runner is born
Don’t look back
You’ve been there
Feel the mist as your breath hits the air

And it’s underneath the moonlight
Passing some
Still your heart beats in the moonlight
Like a drum

And you will run your time
A shooting star across the sky
And you will surely cross the line

But let me fill you in my dear review reading audience and Mr. Manfred Mann himself in on one important detail.  You may run your time and be a shooting star across the sky and perhaps even be the first to surely cross the finish line but honey you have absolutely no chance of doing it until you buy the proper running equipment from Runner’s Alley in Portsmouth New Hampshire! I’m sorry but that’s just a fact, baby!

This elite sporting good store for the most astute and discriminating runner who only believes in  using the best is jammed packed in a pleasant way with a myriad of items of such quality that even 1976 gold medal decathalon winner, Bruce Jenner would happily train in such as running shoes in all styles and sizes for men and their lovely ladies, clothing and sunglasses that any runner will be sure to look their absolute best in because to some individuals in the running community it’s not how good you actually run (Sacrilege!) it’s how good you look while you are running.

Runner’s Alley also has plenty of reflective gear for those late night David Letterman or Jay Leno watching runners and we mustn’t forget those runners who love the public eye and want the spotlight on them at all times, literally, Runner’s Alley also has plenty of reflective gear for them too!  And for those hard-headed and head strong runners who absolutely insist on finding their own way, Runner’s Alley has a brilliant array of GPS units just for them and a much much more for runners of all temperments!

But my favorite item at Runner’s Alley by far is their best item which is their wide array of fuelbelts!  And for those of you coach potatoes out there like me who have recently entered the fitness game, a fuelbelt is a fancy schmancy word for a water bottle that you wear around your waist while running safely secured on a belt.  Some fuelbelts have the capacity to only carry one water bottle while others have the capacity to carry multiple water bottles while you are running.  Cool beans!  Or should I say cool water!

And for a totally committed and dedicated runner, a fuelbelt is a vital and necessary tool which has many uses such as:

-If you decide to run the Boston Marathon you can wear a 2 bottle fuelbelt.  You can fill one bottle with water and use it to hydrate yourself throughout the 26 mile trek and you can fill the other one with champagne and use it to either celebrate your accomplishment or cry and whine about not being the first runner to cross the finish line.  It all just depends on whether you are a happy selfless person or a sore loser crybaby.

-Wearing a four bottle fuelbelt gives you the capability of massively soaking yourself from head to toe with water so that you can look like you really worked up a sweat during your run while passing a hot girl that you have been crushing on.

-Fuelbelts are excellent weapons against those pesky dogs that constantly pursue you during your morning runs.  Simply take your water bottle off of your belt and squirt a drop or two of water in a canine’s face and I guarantee that Fido will then move in the opposite direction.

-Fuelbelts are also an excellent diversionary tool.  For example, wear a three bottle fuelbelt to your spouse’s family reunion that you absolutely don’t want to attend then when nobody is looking take the water bottle filled with pop rocks candy and pour it into the water bottle filled with mountain dew soda and place it carefully on the ground a few feet away from your pesky in-laws and wait a few minutes for the explosion to occur then while everyone is distracted haul your buttocks out of there pronto! As you run merrily home, be sure to savor the taste of cool water from the last remaining water bottle on your fuelbelt.  Don’t forget to congratulate yourself for a job well done.

So now that you see the many wonderful uses of fuelbelts run, walk, skip or hop down to Runner’s Alley when you need the absolute best in all things running, walking, skipping and hopping!  I guarantee you won’t regret it!

And last but not least, I would like to propose a toast to all of you who do take my advice by going down to Runner’s Alley and buying some merchandise.  Here’s to your good judgment and to your good health!

Spandex-clad bottoms up to you!

And I also hope that your running shoes have a very Happy Earth Day not just today but everyday of the year!

P.S.    After you read the review please click on SURPRISE! for your surprise.

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(WELCOME TO TINA KNOWLEDGEABLE PEDEN’S A NOTEWORTHY ATTRIBUTE REVIEWS!) IF YOU EVER DECIDE TO TRAVEL THROUGH NEW ENGLAND, PRESCOTT PARK HAS THE BEST AMENITIES!


Hey fellow travelers and travelettes, if you ever decide to travel through New England, Prescott Park has the best amenities. To check them out, keep reading!

A Noteworthy Attribute:
(Prescott Park/Lavatory)
Cost:  Free — and in the Obama economy that sounds darn good to me!For most people who visit Prescott Park, their favorite thing is all the different varieties of beautiful and colorful flowers planted all over the park.

And for some people who visit Prescott Park who love fitness and exercise their favorite thing is to walk on the many paths in the park in a safe setting.

And for some homeless people who visit Prescott Park their favorite thing is the nice peaceful setting filled with many comfortable benches all over the park with some overlooking the exquisite flowers and some overlooking the sometimes disgustingly dirty Piscataqua River where they can eat and rest at for a long while after a long hard day of job hunting or slacking off due to being kicked out of Crossroads Homeless Shelter for the day.

And for some people who visit Prescott Park who are true romantics at heart their favorite thing is that on any given day they may come across a wedding so ethereal that they wonder if what they are really seeing is indeed real or they have fallen asleep and somehow been transported into some kind of wonderful fairy tale.

And for some people who visit Prescott Park who are very maternal and paternal their favorite thing is to see all of the different families in all shapes, sizes, colors and creeds picnicking all over the excellently manicured lawns of the park or see both heterosexual and homosexual parents alike scream things lovingly at their children like, “Don’t put that into your mouth because we can’t afford to have your stomach pumped at the hospital!” or “Where did that hickey come from, young lady, it wasn’t there 25 minutes ago!”

But screw all that crap, literally!

(Really loud snicker!)

Because for me, Tina “Knowledgeable” Peden, my personal favorite thing about Prescott Park borders on the unusual.  My favorite thing about Prescott Park is the women’s lavatory!  And here are it’s many amenities:

-Toilets with ultra-fast flushing speed that rival any driver racing at the Indianapolis 500 today.
-Rolls and rolls of strong and sturdy toilet paper guaranteed to last up against the most runny number 2 stools.
-Stalls so darn large that even triple crown winning horse Secretariat could easily take a dump in.
-A lavatory so airy due to the main door always being open that even the stinkiest piss or poop smells vanish within minutes.

So fellow travelers, if you ever find yourselves visiting Portsmouth New Hampshire and you suddenly have to take a serious dump due to all of the delicious seafood that you scarfed down at Jumpin’ Jay’s Fish Cafe and are unfortunately with your husband and gazillion kids and want to ditch them for a few hours so that you can let the excrement flow, then haul your butt and brood over pronto to  Prescott Park and “dump” them there so that they can enjoy the many amenities that the park has to offer while you enjoy my personal favorite amenity of Prescott Park, the Prescott Park Lavatory and poop until your heart and colon are completely content!

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(WELCOME TO TINA KNOWLEDGEABLE PEDEN’S A NOTEWORTHY ATTRIBUTE REVIEWS!) HEY RAPPERS: CHAP’S HAS THE BEST GRILLE IN NEW HAVEN CONNECTICUT!


Hey foodies, culinary masters and all of the rest of you with the wander lust bug out there, are you think about doing a little traveling soon in your big-ass Winnebago with the space age George Jetson kitchen?

If so, take a break from grilling the porterhouse steak
and check out a little ol’ restaurant in New Haven Connecticut
that even the most discerning cowboy dines at!

To learn more about Chap’s Grille, read on………..

A Noteworthy Attribute:
(Chap’s Grille/Buffalo Chicken Tender Wrap)
Cost: $6.25 to chow down in Yale University’s hometown!
No matter whether you are a successful hardcore rapper who can wear their gravity-defying ten thousand dollar pants hanging off their butt cheeks without being arrested for indecent exposure, your vintage New York Yankees baseball cap turned to the back which is just plain sacrilege right there or your grille (which is urban slang for teeth jewelry) decked out in the most expensive gold, silver and diamonds that money can buy, let me tell you something, there are some things in life no matter how successful or badly dressed you are that just can’t be beat! And speaking of beats, let me bust a rhyme for you and it goes a little something like this:”Yo baby, yo baby, you baby, yo!”
“Your  is GRILLE whacked!”
“Cause’ when it comes to the Buffalo Chicken Tender Wrap that they serve at Chap’s GRILLE in New Haven Connecticut, that baby is deliciously packed!”
“Goodbye, son!”
“Chap’s Grille is number one!”
“Hey fool, stay in school, cause’ you just got sacked!”
“With the Buffalo Chicken Tender Wrap on Chap’s Grille menu they will never be beat!”
“Anybody crazy enough to challenge them, simply accept defeat!”
“Cause’ Chap’s Grille got it goin’ on, they are so neat!”So to all of you foodies and wander lusters out there it’s now time for ya’ll to recognize and get wise when it comes to Chap’s Grille ultimate prize!  And here we go!When you first lay your eyes on Chap’s Grille ultra-popular Buffalo Chicken Tender Wrap the first thought that immediately pops into your head is, “Jack it to Jesus! Jack it to Jesus!”  And that’s exactly what those heavenly staff angels at Chap’s Grille do when they make these wraps they “Jack em’ to Jesus” with:-Chicken so spicy that if eaten by a couple with a totally boring sex life it will instantly turn that atrocity five alarm chili red hot and have them both screaming simultaneously “Chap’s Grille” upon reaching orgasm!

-Chicken so darn tender that it practically glides down your throat very much like phlegm does when you are desperately trying to cough it up and spit it out!  (P.S.  Some of you out there reading this review may question my judgment in mentioning the word “phlegm” in close proximity to the Buffalo Chicken Tender Wrap but again let me school all of you grossed out babies, like the rapper 50 Cent is bulletproof (the guy has been shot 9 times) the Buffalo Chicken Tender Wrap at Chap’s Grille is nasty snot phlegm proof!)

-Blue Cheese Dressing so robust that it makes the hit AMC tv show, Mad Men’s Joan Holloway Harris (played seductively by actress Christina Hendricks) look flat which is a feat in itself! (I mean, have you seen this chick!)

-And Greens so crisp that people and gophers from miles away are constantly calling you to tell you to shut the heck up!

So fellow foodies, wander lusters and successful but badly dressed rappers if you ever find yourselves traveling in New Haven Connecticut, I urge you to do as the Yalies do!  Take $6.25 out of your trust fund and invest in a Buffalo Chicken Tender Wrap from Chap’s Grille!  Trust me, it will be one of the best non tax deductable investments that you will ever make in your argyle footed life!

Go Yale University and Chap’s Grille!

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(WELCOME TO TINA KNOWLEDGEABLE PEDEN’S A NOTEWORTHY ATTRIBUTE REVIEWS!) IF YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT TAKING A TRIP TO PORTSMOUTH NEW HAMPSHIRE, YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST DO THIS!


Hey fellow travelers!
Are you thinking about taking a trip to the seacoast?
Is Portsmouth New Hampshire one of your stops?
If so, you must absolutely do this…..

A Noteworthy Attribute:
(40 Pease Tradeport/41 Lafayette Road Trolleys)
Cost: 50 cents on the trolley to ride–not paraglide!

On some of the trolleys, the cords that you pull on to signal the bus driver that you want to get off at the next bus stop actually work but more often DON’T so basically you are forced to call or yell out (especially if you are sitting in the back of the trolley) something along the lines of “Next stop!”, “Bus driver, can you please let me off at the next bus stop!” or “I’m an out-of-towner, get me out of here!”

Since Portsmouth New Hampshire is a very popular seacoast town you get a very diverse set of passengers that ride the Pease and Lafayette Trolleys which is a definite plus!  So be sure to bring along either a microcassette recorder, a big ol’ Brady Bunch style tape recorder like the one that Peter used to spy on his brothers and sisters in one of the classic Brady Bunch episodes or use the “record” feature on your high tech cellphone to capture the myriad of voices including three sheets to the wind ultra slurred voices, slick get me to the bedroom quick Barry White voices and irritating lispy voices.  (At this time I would like to send a great big shout out to the youngest Brady, Cindy Brady and her extremely irritating lispy voice!  What’s up girl! I love the show even though it was a bit corny at times!)

So if you are a person who enjoys public speaking or wants to be a professional voice actor or auctioneer it is an absolute must while you are in Portsmouth New Hampshire that you take a ride on either the Pease or Lafayette Trolleys so that you can perfect your craft!  Exercise those vocal cords the Portsmouth New Hampshire way by telling the bus driver to let you off at the next stop!  Also, be sure to be creative and try to think of unique ways to let the bus driver know that you want to get off the bus!  Fellow travelers, you are smart!  Use your noggin and a thesaurus!

Warning:  Riding on the Pease and Lafayette Trolleys are not for the meek or timid!  In these instances stick to the many Portsmouth cabs.

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