Archive for Tina “Knowledgeable” Peden’s Pop Culture Dictionary

TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S POP CULTURE DICTIONARY (VOLUME 15) WHAT IS FRIGIDAIRE HEMORRHAGE?


(Definition) Frigidaire Hemorrhage is a sudden bursting of a blood vessel due to extreme anger over an inconsiderate or lazy-ass family member putting an almost empty ice tray back into the refrigerator. Although this condition has the possibility to become fatal if not treated it can often be avoided by simply filling up the DAMN ice tray with water, lemonade, Pepsi, gin & tonic or any other liquid substance but preferably water when it’s empty before putting it back into the DAMN refrigerator!

I will now use this term in a couple of sentences to clarify it’s meaning.

“After Maggie O’Gutsery was released from St. Patrick’s Day Memorial Hunter Green Hospital after an almost fatal Frigidaire Hemorrhage against doctor’s and her clergyman’s orders she hightailed it down to Pat O’Shalley’s Restaurant & Tavern and ordered a big-ass bloody mary filled with 11 cubes of ice from a 12 cube ice tray to calm her nerves before she went home to deal with her soon to be ex-husband.”

“Grandma Jackson happily ignored the Frigidaire Hemorrhage-like looks that her usually loving family gave her that night when she used up almost 15 trays of ice cubes to cool down her smoking feet due to jumping on them all day because of her massive bingo win earlier that day.”

“Still recovering from a mild case of Frigidaire Hemorrhage, Jonah had his college’s mascot, Squirt the bulldog, piss all over his dad’s eighteen century antique one of a kind desk in retaliation for coming over the night before and using practically all of the ice cubes in his small-ass dormitory fridge for a minor head wound that he sustained in a car accident that night that almost killed him rendering Jonah unable to make his famous ultra cool mint melt in your mouth pencil dick shaped jello shots for the freshman that were pledging his fraternity later that night.”

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S POP CULTURE DICTIONARY (VOLUME 14) WHAT DOES DISSED TO THE CURB MEAN?


(Definition) Dissed to the Curb occurs to a person who after running and flailing their arms around like a maniac in a desperate attempt to get the bus driver of the bus that they really need to catch to stop and wait for them finally the bus driver sees them or is alerted to their presence by one or more of the passengers already on the bus but inspite of all of this the bus driver totally disses their ass and continues to drive away anyway.

I will now use this phrase in a couple of sentences to clarify its meaning.

“I’m sooo sad that that happily married for 25 years bus driver got fired for intentionally Dissing to the Curb those 25 Kristen Stewart fans for wearing those lame-ass t-shirts supporting her in her hour of grief due to her cheating on her boyfriend, Robert Pattinson.”

“The bus driver on Route 666D to Hellion Texas told the passengers on the bus in between fits of hysterical laughter that Sister Baptista of the Totally Bitchin’ Order of Angelic Nuns should have had her dogooder-ass up at the bus stop at 10:35 am instead of stopping to help give CPR to that dying elderly man that she encountered on the way to the bus stop then she wouldn’t have gotten Dissed to the Curb by him. In other words, it was her own damn fault!”

“Omigod, Thor! Did you hear that Hercules just got arrested for shoving one thousand bus stop signs up an innocent motorist’s ass simply because he was so pissed off for getting Dissed to the Curb this afternoon and missed his monthly washed-up superheroes meeting? Man, that dude needs some serious help and some serious work!”

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S POP CULTURE DICTIONARY (VOLUME 13) WHAT IS A STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS BUG UP THE ASS?


(Definition) A State Of The Union Address Bug Up The Ass is literally a nasty-ass fungus or infection that goes straight up into your butthole and eventually settles itself in your brain and drives you absolutely bonkers once a year due to your favorite tv show, movie, commercial, video or infommercial being preempted by the President’s Stupid Ol’ Annual State Of The Union Address because like the subject trigonometry that you learn in high school the information in the President’s Annual State Of The Union Address is something that most Americans will never use and this major inconvenience really pisses alot of Americans the fuck off.

I will now use this phrase in a sentence to clarify its meaning.

“Dude, stay the fuck away from Constance for the rest of the day because she’s not only got a major case of Baby Fever but she’s also got a wicked nasty State Of The Union Address Bug Up The Ass! Dude, you know how much her totally obsessed ass worships those Johnson’s Baby Shampoo commercials. Dude, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay the fuck away from her!”

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S POP CULTURE DICTIONARY (VOLUME 12) WHAT IS THE RUBBING ALCOHOL RUSE?


(Definition) The Rubbing Alcohol Ruse is a devilishly clever code strategy that a sneaky-ass man or woman perpetrates by deliberately writing down the item, “rubbing alcohol” as a simple reminder to themselves to buy a large-ass quantity of liquor on their grocery lists in lieu of writing down the actual words vodka, Jim Beam, tequila, Jack Daniels or whatever the hell other spirit that the sneaky-ass man or woman wants to buy in order to cover their ass just in case any other pain-in-the-ass person in their life should see the grocery list such as a member of the clergy, the family doctor or a nosy-ass co-worker who’ll no doubt think that the sneaky-ass man or woman is a closeted alcoholic lush for buying so much booze and will no doubt joyfully spread this news to every Tom, Dick and Harry that they know or give communion wafers to thereby forcing the sneaky-ass man or woman to take the diabolic route to buying the intoxicants that they so desperately love.

I will now use this phrase in a sentence to clarify it’s meaning.

GROCERY LIST:

-Tomatoes

-Black Olives

-Lean Ground Beef

-Lettuce

-Cheddar Cheese

-Sour Cream

-Taco Sauce

-Hard & Soft Taco Shells

-Rubbing Alcohol (Invisible i.e. all the liquor I need to make those lethal-ass grandpa margaritas)

-Onion

-Tortilla Chips

-Guacamole

Father Breckinmeyer, it was so good of you to stop by! And by the by, before you leave can you do me a favor and please hand me my grocery list that’s being held securely by that big ol’ happy face magnet on the refrigerator? You see Father, i’m making tacos for dinner tonight and I will simply be cross with myself if I forget a single item (i.e. the booze for the grandpa margaritas) on my grocery list.

(Innocent smile flashed to the priest by the perpetrator and a low-down dirty snicker that no man of the cloth could possibly hear! Oh God! Oh Jesus! Oh how I simply adore The Rubbing Alcohol Ruse! Another low-down dirty snicker!)

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S POP CULTURE DICTIONARY (VOLUME 11) WHAT IS TWITTERTUDE?


(Definition) Twittertude occurs when a person decides to “follow” a fellow twitterer on Twitter then gets extremely pissed off when the person doesn’t reciprocate by following them.

I will now use this word in a sentence to clarify it’s meaning.

Hey dude, look at that dumb-ass tool with a major twittertude beating the living shit out of that Michael Jackson impersonator just because the guy skipped by him singing The Jackson 5 lyric, “Rockin’ Robin, Tweet, Tweet, Tweet!” Damn dude, Ashton Kutcher is a total psycho Twitter addict!

And for all of you Twitter addicts out there with major twittertudes, here’s some song lyrics just for you!

Rockin’ Robin by The Jackson 5!

He rocks in the tree tops all day long
Hoppin’ and a-boppin’ and singing his song
All the little birdies on Jaybird Street
Love to hear the robin go tweet tweet tweet

Rockin’ robin, tweet tweet tweet
Rockin’ robin’ tweet tweetly-tweet
Blow rockin’ robin
‘Cause we’re really gonna rock tonight

Every little swallow, every chick-a-dee
Every little bird in the tall oak tree
The wise old owl, the big black crow
Flappin’ their wings singing go bird go

Rockin’ robin, tweet tweet tweet
Rockin’ robin’ tweet tweetly-tweet
Blow rockin’ robin
‘Cause we’re really gonna rock tonight
Yeah yeah

Pretty little raven at the bird-band stand
Told them how to do the bob and it was grand
They started going steady and bless my soul
He out-bopped the buzzard and the oriol

He rocks in the tree tops all day long
Hoppin’ and a-boppin’ and singing his song
All the little birdies on Jaybird Street
Love to hear the robin go tweet tweet tweet

Rockin’ robin, tweet tweet tweet
Rockin’ robin’ tweet tweetly-tweet
Blow rockin’ robin
‘Cause we’re really gonna rock tonight

Pretty little raven at the bird-band stand
Told them how to do the bop and it was grand
They started going steady and bless my soul
He out-bopped the buzzard and the oriol

He rocks in the tree tops all day long
Hoppin’ and a-boppin’ and singing his song
All the little birdies on Jaybird Street
Love to hear the robin go tweet tweet tweet

Rockin’ robin, tweet tweet tweet
Rockin’ robin’ tweet tweetly-tweet
Blow rockin’ robin
‘Cause we’re really gonna rock tonight

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S POP CULTURE DICTIONARY (VOLUME 10) WHAT DOES THE PHRASE “SHIT-FACED ON LOVE” MEAN?


Sex Definition: S.F.O.L. stands for Shit-Faced On Love.

Instead of a couple being drunk on margaritas, whiskey sours, beer or jello shots like normal people they are drunk on their love for each other. When these couples are together they experience an overwhelming intoxicating feeling of intense passion for each other which often leads to public displays of french-kissing, butt-rubbing and boob-tweaking. It also leads individuals who witness these displays to engage in head-shaking, soft-snickering, mucho-upchucking and police-calling.

I will now use this phrase in a sentence to clarify its meaning.

Hey Jebidiah, look at those two hound dogs all shit-faced on love! Dude, check out what they are doing all over that tacky-ass Elvis Presley life-sized placemat! Dude, i’m all shook up!

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S POP CULTURE DICTIONARY (VOLUME 9) WHAT DOES THE WORD “APPEASEPAONOMY” MEAN?


(Definition) An appeasepaonomy is a painful procedure in which children undergo a temporary “Stepford Wives” transformation for their dad’s birthday, Father’s Day, anniversary or some other important event in their father’s life where they will wear whatever crappy outfit that their dad wants them to wear, sing whatever silly song that their dad wants them to sing, be nice to people that they can’t stand, go to places that they wouldn’t be caught dead at et cetera et cetera et cetera only because they love their dad so dearly and they will put up with this torture temporarily just to make him happy on his special day.

I will now use this word in a sentence to clarify it’s meaning.

“For his dad’s 65th birthday, Shamus had to undergo a serious appeasepaonomy along with a little help from three shots of 180 proof Jack Daniels Whiskey in order to perform the song, “I’m A Little Teapot Short And Stout” in front of 5,000 guests that his father has loved him performing ever since he did it in his first grade school play.”

P.S. Dad, I want you to know that performing the song, “I’m A Little Teapot Short And Stout” in front of 5,000 people that I barely knew was the single most embarrassing moment of my life but i’m really glad that you loved my performance! Happy birthday day from your loving son, Shamus who will one day make you pay for this!”

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