Posts tagged Facebook


This is a song that I wrote about the here to stay, selfie craze.

First “Drop The Mic” Verse:

1. Ain’t gonna’ lie seriously,
2. Don’t like peeps hatin’ on me,
3. Just cuz I post pics continuously,
4. Chin up, cuz i’m a tough empire-style cookie,
5. And I do whatever the hell that makes me happy,
6. And that’s taking and posting many a selfie,
7. So what if I wanna’ show off my smokin’ hot body,
8. That bitch, Kim Kardashian ain’t got a damn thing on me,
9. Restaurants, trips, my new car, I paid a hefty fee (and got some of it, I will admit, scott free),
10. And now all of my followers on social media get to see my pics and envy the hell outta’ me,
11. It’s such a rush, the likes, the retweets, breaking the internet I one day clearly see,
12. Call me insecure or vain cuz I love this sort of attention, go ahead and spill the damn tea,
13. Say the selfie is nothing but a foolish tool of vanity,
14. Maybe it is to some but there is no way in hell that’s gonna’ stop fearless me,
15. From taking and posting many a selfie,
16. Millennium, yippee!

Last “Drop The Mic” Verse:

1. So to all of you haters out there,
2. Judgmental-ass noses all up in the air,
3. Takes alot of courage to lay your shit totally butt-ass bare,
4. So if you don’t like my pics I don’t really care,
5. Noone’s asking you to look, like or share,
6. So find yourself another website to fix your disapproving stare,
7. Cuz there are alot of other people who like my pics, just to be fair,
8. So there!
9. Take a moment to mentally prepare,
10. You might also want to sit your ass down in the nearest chair,
11. Before I tell you to kiss my well endowed derriere,
12. You choose cuz both of my butt cheeks are a fabulous pair,
13. Baby, no sweat, i’m gonna’ brush this shit off and not make it too big of an affair,
14. I don’t give in to peer pressure cuz i’m strong and don’t easily scare,
15. Like I said before, I gotta’ do what makes me personally happy,
16. And baby, that’s taking and posting many a selfie!


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Hey people looking for unique business opportunities, consider this shizit!

The next time that you see a photographer discreetly taking pictures of a couple casually strolling through a busy park seemingly like they don’t have a care in the world or see an individual dressed up like a stereotypical rockstar, i.e. fringed leather jacket, hot pants, faded t-shirt, shit-kicker boots, ray ban sunglasses topped off by a tacky-ass lavender hat with a giant pink feather stuck in it with a matching boa, in other words, dressed like a pimp . . .

P.S.    At this time I would like to send a shout out to Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler.

Anyhoo, back to the show!

. . . exiting a limousine at a very popular nightclub while a bunch of photographers snap away, be not only aware and prepared to laugh your ass off at the ridiculous fashion choices of Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler, pimps and faux rockstars in general but be afraid of something far more worse because all may not be as it appears.

(Insert your choice of scary music here!)

The reality is that you may have stumbled into one hell of a devious plot concocted by a total nincompoop and got played big time! For those of you out there wondering what the hell i’m talking about and wish that I would quit beating around the bush and just spit it out, give me a minute, will ya’? I’m trying to build some suspense here! For god’s sake, work with me! Anyhoo, oh impatient ones, here comes one hell of a loogie hawked up and coming your way! It has come to my attention that there are some total yahoos out there so desperate to get their 15 minutes of fame or live the life of a D-List celebrity for a night that they will actually pay a photographer to take pictures of them for a night paparazzi-style pretending like they are famous in hopes that people out on the street, the general public, will do some of the following things:

– Ask these imposters for their autograph.

– Offer these imposters the red carpet/V.I.P. treatment such as the “best table in the house”, free champagne, a fresh bowlful of pretzels that hasn’t been touched by a bunch of nasty-ass drunken patrons previously or at the bare minimum a free blow job/muff job.

– Have people take photos of these imposters out in public with their cell phones or cameras in hopes that they are either emailed to a newspaper or online magazine or posted on YouTube or people’s Facebook pages in order to get them some attention thus get the ball rolling on their D-List careers.

In essence, these wannabes will hire anybody be it a photographer, limo driver, bodyguard or proctologist to do whatever it takes to “get famous” or get their names and photos in print even if it means lying or giving up their self respect to do it. Omigod!

And folks you may think that actors, models and musicians new to the game would be the only ones stupid enough to hire a photographer, limo driver or bodyguard to help them pretend that they famous but surprisingly many washed up, past their prime hacks similar to Vanilla Ice have also been known to perpetrate this devious charade as well. And there has also been a startling rise in the number of regular people like housewives, lawyers, construction workers, teenagers, elderly, et cetera from all over the world doing this too.

But folks let me tell you that this really doesn’t surprise me all that much being that we all now live in a world of  “Regardless whether I have talent or not I hope that my video on YouTube goes viral so that I can get my 15 minutes of fame or seriously paid.”  That’s just how it is now and unfortunately folks there is nothing that we can do about it other than judge them or sit back and laugh at them which if the truth be told is not all that bad really.

So for any enterprising individuals out there reading this post, be smart and make some damn money honey off of a pathetic fame seeker wannabe by opening up your own photo taking, limo driving or body guarding business to the faux stars today! I mean it’s not like you will need alot of start up cash. The only things that you will really need are a limo, camera or a person who looks like they can kick ass, Craigslist ad and one pathetic fame seeker wannabe and with so many people out there desperate for fame any way that they can achieve it you’ll never run out of paying suckers, oh i’m sorry, I mean paying customers.

At this time I would like to send out one last shout out to everybody’s famous for absolutely nothing sex tape vixen extraordinaire, Kim Kardashian. Hey Kim, one day when your 15 minutes are up you might consider trying to regain your fame with the method that I have just been discussing in this post.

Peace, girl!

And I hope all of you out there have enjoyed this edition of how to get your 15 minutes of fame or get seriously paid the easy and pathetic way!  This is Tina “Knowledgeable” Peden saying good night and good luck!

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In countless amounts of newspaper and magazine articles I have read about everybody from parents, teachers, economists, psychologists to even gynocologists put the blame on such things as excessive partying, too much internet, pure laziness and even constant jacking off as the primary reasons why the youth of today are not living up to their true potential but i’m here to say that is total bullshit!

The real reason why the youth of today is not living up to its true potential is one thing and one thing only and that one thing is certainly not excessive partying or too much internet nor is it pure laziness (An American teenager being lazy? Surely you jest, honey!) and in no uncertain terms is it constant jacking off! (Although I must say ya’ll that is a most excellent reason! Low down dirty snicker!)

Anyhoo, the real reason why the American kids of today aren’t living up to their true potential is because of all of the early-ass five and ten year high school and college reunions! People let me ask you this. How in the hell can an intelligent or even a dumb-ass American youth be expected to perform up to their true potential with all of these early-ass five and ten year high school and college reunions always creeping up around the damn corner! It’s hopeless! It’s cruel! It’s damn wrong! People let’s face it, you can’t accomplish a damn thing in five to ten years and everybody on the planet damn well knows that except Mark Zuckerberg!

Hell, before all of this five and ten year high school and college reunion crap American kids had twenty five long-ass years to accomplish their dreams and goals and those dreams and goals included everything from being married to a hot mess mega superstar singer for 49 hours thus fulfilling the fifteen minutes of fame requirement which is just enough time to impress any normal person including your class’ hot-shit valedictorian at any high school or college reunion.

In the past, twenty five year reunions gave a youth ample opportunity to be fired from a six figure salary job after eleven long-ass years of being treated like shit but ultimately gave them some wicked bragging rights at any high school or college reunion even if they are now living on food stamps and sleeping on their mama’s couch. And twenty five year high school and college reunions certainly gave ugly and deformed-ass youths so much time to have a shitload of plastic surgery to correct their imperfections so that they could look just hot enough for the high school or college prom queen, captain of the football or their hot-ass home economics teacher to consent to have sex with them on the floor of the teacher’s lounge. But and I mean a big-ass but like Jennifer Lopez’ these lame-ass dreams and goals have all been obliterated by all of these early-ass high school and college reunions.

So all of you so called people out there who are so concerned and claim to care about helping todays youth fulfill their true potential, then for god’s sake lobby congress or pick up a big-ass sign scrawled with crayola crayons and picket your local high schools and colleges to stop them from having all of these early-ass five and ten year high school and college reunions and go back to the old school days and only hold twenty five year high school and college reunions thereby giving young people a long-ass time to fulfill their monetary, sexual and superficial dreams and goals! Please!

P.S. Another luxury of twenty five year high school and college reunions is that alot of people have croaked by then which gives them a legitimate excuse for not reaching their true potential. SO, GO TWENTY FIVE YEAR HIGH SCHOOL AND COLLEGE REUNIONS! YOU ROCK!

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Here is a fun parody song spoofing the social network.  Enjoy!


So Facebook me when you get home or send me a Tweet,

If I don’t know all of your business and you don’t know all of mine my life just ain’t complete!


I check my Facebook page 1-2-3-4 sometimes 5 times a day,

Body twitches, heart palpatations, twiddling my thumbs occur if I don’t do it frequently okay,

It’s not my fault that Facebook is the most powerful drug on the market that I don’t have the strength to say no to it, no freakin’ way,

Like it or not baby like cockroaches and chocolate, Facebook and the social network are two uber bitches here to stay!


So Facebook me when you get home or send me a Tweet,

If I don’t know all of your business and you don’t know all of mine my life just ain’t complete!


Rockin’ robin tweet tweet tweet, rockin’ robin tweet tweet tweet,

Go rockin’ Twitter and bop your ass down the street,

(Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet!)

Much thanks Twitter for giving me a small-ass platform to send important or totally lame short-ass messages to every tom, dick and harry that I meet,

(Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet!)

I love you Twitter i’m forever in your debt and I will now kiss your ass and wash your clawed stinky-ass feet!

(Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet!)


So Facebook me when you get home or send me a Tweet,

If I don’t know all of your business and you don’t know all of mine my life just ain’t complete!

(Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet!)

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