Posts tagged George Bush

ELECTORAL COLLEGE 666, ELECTORAL COLLEGE RED & BLUE SONG!


electoralcollegeredandblue

-Electoral College 666, Founding fathers ingenious tricks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Hill & Gore won the pop vote, to some hooray, others boo hoo hoo,
-Electoral College 666, Makes brilliant scholars feel like dicks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Red States, Blue States and Purple ones too,
-Electoral College 666, We the people don’t really pick our own president, oh fiddle sticks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Indirect democracy rules and picks your president for you,
-Electoral College 666, People vote in Nov, Electors vote in Dec amid an icy & snowy mix,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, 270 electoral votes, candidate baby, brings it all home to you,
-Electoral College 666, Discourages damn voter fraud, hey cheaters, baby yo’ plan got nix,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Swing States, Safe States any of them can flip the bird to you,

-Electoral College 666, Any foreigner messin’ with our elections best be prepared to take some licks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Trump & Bush won the EC vote, to some hooray, others boo hoo hoo,
-Electoral College 666, Us big-ass states rule the Electoral College you inferior dumb little hicks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Us little-ass states in a close election can drop the bomb on you,
-Electoral College 666, I’m an Elector and i’m gonna’ vote my way, states, so screw you, I rule, pricks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, The People say honor thy State’s wishes, Electors damn well better do,
-Electoral College 666, Some say get rid of or update this outdated bitch, give it several-ass kicks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Others say the Electoral College works, so suck it, crybabies, boo hoo hoo,
-Electoral College 666, For now, noone really knows how to overhaul the EC system or do a major fix,
-And Finally, Electoral College Red & Blue, For now, many discussions in support and against the Electoral College means a little drama and mayhem will always definitely ensue!

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RETRO PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION GEMS: (FIRST LADY BILL CLINTON, OH YEAH, I CAN FEEL THAT!)


This is a humor piece that I wrote for the 2008 presidential election back in March 2008. So, jump into the retro time machine and enjoy!

Being a former president, let’s face it, Bill Clinton has experience with first ladies not to mention White House interns, cigars, blue dresses and ugly women in general.

But I digress.

So now that the tables are turned Sadie Hawkins-style the burning question on every Laura Bush supporter’s mind is ………….

Can Bill Clinton step into his predecessor’s eloquent shoes to carry out his duties as hostess of the White House?

And if I can put my two cents in, I personally think that they should keep the “First Lady” title instead of changing it to “First Gentleman” if Hilary Clinton is elected, just for the hell of it plus the title “First Lady Bill Clinton” is hilarious and you know it!

Anyhow, back to the show.

Even though the job of “First Lady” has been labeled in the press as being nothing more than a glorified housewife, there is so much more to it. The job of First Lady entails taking complete charge of all social and ceremonial events in the White House.

To help the First Lady carry out these sometimes daunting and arduous tasks that these events usually require is her own personal staff consisting of a White House Social Secretary, Press Secretary, Chief Floral Designer, Chief of Staff, Executive Chef, etc.

What alot of people don’t know is that the Office of the First Lady is a branch of the Executive Office of the President. So basically, the job of First Lady entails more than just making fish sticks and fries and watching General Hospital. It can be alot of work!

And what alot of Laura Bush supporter’s want to know is if “Mr. Controversy”, Bill Clinton is up to the job.

My answer……….

Oh yeah baby, oh yeah!

(And incidentally are probably the same exact words that Bill Clinton was moaning as he was getting his “leader of the free world red white and blue” dick sucked by his “extremely unattractive girl you outta’ know better than suck the president’s married dick underling,”  Monica Lewinsky.)

Anyhoo, First Lady Bill Clinton, Oh Yeah, I Can Feel That!

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POLITICAL T-SHIRTS ARE HOT SELLERS BABY!


I originally wrote this article for my AssociatedContent.com webpage back in September 2006.

Guess what folks? Did you know that the 2008 Presidential Election is a little more than two years away? I know that some of you out there are saying, “So what! Who cares!” But for those enterprising entrepreneurs out there, it’s not too early to start cashing in on your favorite candidate or political party.
One of the best ways to make some cash off of the election is to have some election memorabilia made up like t-shirts, buttons, posters, etc. There are alot of places to do this but there are a few places that you can do this without having to spend any money and make a tidy little profit.

For those enterprising individuals, I suggest trying these two companies.

Cafe Press is a large online retailer that enables individuals to create and sell a wide variety of products with zero upfront costs then promote them on their website, blog or in the Cafe Press Marketplace for a profit. To open a “Basic Shop” is free. You can sell t-shirts, bumper stickers, mugs, caps, buttons, cd’s, books, etc. The only negative thing about Cafe Press is that you have to provide your own images and upload them. This also includes text only images. Cafe Press doesn’t have a clip art or photo library. So if you don’t know how to take good pictures and upload the images from your camera or don’t know how to create words and images on t-shirt or button making software, this may not be the site for you. But there is a solution to even this problem. There are alot of retailers like Staples and Best Buys which sell clip art and photographs that can be uploaded to Cafe Press. You can buy these images easily. But the bad thing is that a million other people can buy the same images. Usually the more unique your product is the better it will sell. So think carefully about this. For those enterprising entrepreneurs who are interested in making some election memorabilia for profit, visit the Cafe Press website. Their website address is http://www.cafepress.com

Zazzle is an online retailer that also enables individuals to create and sell a wide variety of products with zero upfront costs then promote them on their website, blog or in the Zazzle Marketplace for a profit. To open a shop is free. At Zazzle, you can sell t-shirts, mugs, postage stamps, greeting & post cards, posters and prints. One of the best things about Zazzle is that you can create a product like a t-shirt with text only. Uploading images is not required like at Cafe Press. A novice can create a t-shirt, greeting card or personalized postage stamp in a matter of minutes. Both the Cafe Press website and the Zazzle website give you step-by-step instructions on how to create products and have affiliate programs where an individual can make even more money. Zazzle also doesn’t have a clip art or photo library. The only bad thing about Zazzle is that they don’t get the sales that Cafe Press does. Don’t get me wrong, an individual can make money on Zazzle but they probably will make more money on Cafe Press. For those enterprising entrepreneurs who are interested in making some election memorabilia for profit, visit the Zazzle website. Their website address is http://www.zazzle.com
For those enterprising businesses, I suggest trying these three companies.

Cafe Press (For more details, see above description.)

Zazzle (For more details, see above description.)

Customink is an online service which provides a way for people to design and order custom t-shirts, sweatpants, hats, drinkware, jackets, bags, stuffed animals, or umbrellas for a group or event. To create designs is free. The best thing about Customink is that it has an excellent clip art gallery with images for all occasions and events. Customink also saves your designs and provides you with a special link. The bad thing about Customink is that you usually have to order a minimum number of items, not all the time, but usually and they don’t have an online store to sell your items. You have to sell the items that you create at Customink yourself. On the other hand, Customink also allows visitors to view all the design ideas. If a visitor likes an idea, they can either purchase it “as is” or customize it themselves by adding more art or text in Customink’s lab. I have personally used this website. I highly recommend it. For those enterprising entrepreneurs who are interested in making some election memorabilia for profit, visit the Customink website. Their website address is http://www.customink.com

To view some designs that I created at Customink, click on the links below. And if you feel the need to customize one of my designs that would be great.
http://customink.com/cink/r.jsp?E=tinapeden2003%40yahoo.com&F=sant
http://customink.com/cink/r.jsp?E=tinapeden2003%40yahoo.com&F=cnr
http://customink.com/cink/r.jsp?E=tinapeden2003%40yahoo.com&F=susan
http://customink.com/cink/r.jsp?E=tinapeden2003%40yahoo.com&F=skate

To view some t-shirts that I created for George Bush’s inauguration, click on the links below.
http://customink.com/cink/r.jsp?E=tinapeden2003%40yahoo.com&F=barbq
http://customink.com/cink/r.jsp?E=tinapeden2003%40yahoo.com&F=pink

A note to teenagers and children: Don’t miss out on the chance to make a little cash to buy a car or barbie doll! Political elections are a great way for America’s youth to not only earn some extra money but to learn about our government and things that they can do to change things about the government that they don’t like or disagree with. A good way to activate change is for your voice to be heard and nothing speaks volumes like a walking advertisement like a political t-shirt or button. Young people get in on the action and create some of your own election memorabilia.

For America’s enterprising youth, go down to your nearest Dick Blick Art Supply Store (www.dickblick.com) or Michael’s The Arts and Crafts Store (www.michaels.com) and load up on fabric crayons & markers, t-shirts, canvas bags, hats, etc. Have fun and create your own designs. For those computer savvy young people, you might want to consider buying some iron-on transfer software so that you can create unique iron-on transfer designs that can be applied on t-shirts for a very professional look. Sell your election memorabilia at school events, flea markets, arts & craft fairs or even in your own backyard. Picture selling lemonade at a lemonade stand but on a political scale.

Hey Folks! The government makes tons of money off of its taxpayers every year. Why can’t the taxpapers and future taxpayers, i.e. the children, do the same! Create some election memorabilia and let your voice be heard and seen while making a little extra cash at the same time. God Bless America!

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10 HOTTEST RETRO REPUBLICAN & DEMOCRATIC GIFTS FOR THE 2012 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION!


GIFTS FOR DEMOCRATS
The GEORGE W. BUSH ANSWERING MACHINE – $40.00
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

Standard Features Include:
-60 minutes of Recording Time
-Caller Id
-Time/Day Stamp
-LED Light which Displays Messages
-Voice Mailbox
-Fast Forward & Rewind Buttons
-Battery Backup

Unique Features Include:
-A picture of George W. Bush crying appears in the lower right-hand corner of the answering machine whenever a person leaves a voice message.
-The personalized voice greeting has a pathetic George W. Bush crying loudly in the background while the Democratic Children’s Choir chants, “Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! George Bush can’t run for president again! He served the maximum two terms, there’s no way he can ever win again! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! And by the way, leave your name, phone number and a brief message after the beep.”

THE RUSH LIMBAUGH PILL SPLITTER – $8.00
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

Guaranteed to split even the most loud and obnoxious pills, tablets or capsules.
WARNING: This pill splitter doesn’t work on Oxycontin pills.
(A little ironic and hypocritical don’t you think!)

Standard Features Include:
-Stainless steel blade
-Non-slip cutting surface called Pill Grip
-Dishwasher safe design
-Multiple compartments for eating humble pie

THE MARION BARRY SUPER SUCTION VACUUM CLEANER WITH SECRET COMPARTMENTS – $575.00
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

This is the creme de la creme of vacuums. It virtually sucks up everything in a 3 mile radius. Dirt, dust, prostitutes and crack cocaine are no match for this powerhouse. Works on all surfaces. Excellent for hotels used in sting operations.

Features:
-Black Color
-Roller Brush Agitator
-Extra Long Cord for Career Suicide
-Detachable Hose
-Upholstery Brush
-Corner Cleaner
-6 Month Prison Term Warranty

Special Features:
-“Bitch Set Me Up” Secret Compartment has the ability to hold a wide variety of complaints about Rasheeda Moore, Barry’s former girlfriend.
-FBI Sting Operation Videocassette Recorder Secret Compartment produces high-quality, damaging and indictable photographs.

G.O.P. SMOKE DETECTOR WITH B.S. ALERT SIGNAL – $60.00
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

Standard Features Include:
-Lightweight Design
-Extra Loud Volume Control
-Remote Controlled Alarm Silence and Test
-Intelligent Sensing which distinguishes between non-threatening conditions and real emergencies
-Automatic Daily Self-Check Test

Unique Feature(s) Include:
-Built-in B.S. Alert Signal has the ability to detect when a Republican is blowing smoke up a Democrat’s ass. Produces a red ray of light on the offending Republican which can only be seen by a Democrat. The B.S. Alert Signal is activated when a Republican is lying through his teeth, smoking marijuana or talking about Dick Cheney. This item is a hot seller at private country clubs around the U.S.A.

THE JFK LOST EARRING LOCATOR – $29.99
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

Perfect gift for the bed-hopping democrat!

The JFK Lost Earring Locator instantly locates a democrat’s mistresses lost earring in any bed. Air, four-poster, canopy, bunk bed, etc. You name it and the JFK Lost Earring Locator will find it! This earring locator has the unique ability to locate a democrat’s mistresses earring before the maid or pissed-off wife finds it and goes to the National Inquirer with it.

Features:
-Bright Flashing Light makes it easy to find earring in the dark
-Soft whisper sound can only be heard by other bed-hopping democrats so there is absolutely no chance of a Republican finding out and squealing on you
-Hand-held remote control design is compact and durable
-Responds to distances of 1 million miles (Perfect for those bed-hopping democrats who want to take their mistresses on a vacation to a foreign country.)

_____________________________________________________________

GIFTS FOR REPUBLICANS

THE HOWARD DEAN CORNCOB-SHAPED BULLHORN WITH VOLUME CONTROL – $77.00
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

The perfect sabotage gift!
Republicans, give this bullhorn to any Democrat and watch his or her career go directly down the toilet! This bullhorn has the unique ability to kill a Democrat’s career in a single shout! Encourage Democrats to use this bullhorn at libraries, day care centers or churches where it is totally inappropriate to be shouting like a damn fool!

Features Include:
-1000 Yard range
-26 Watts
-Handheld & Compact
-16 AA Batteries (Included)
-Powerful Siren & Wrist Strap
-Adjustable Volume Switches include “Idiot-Loud”, “Lunatic-Loud” or the most powerful volume switch of all, “We’re going to New Hampshire, Oklahoma, South Carolina then to Washington D.C. to take back the White House Yeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhh-Loud!”

NOTE: A third of the profits made from the sale of this item will go to the Iowa Deaf
& Dazed Association, unofficial sponsor of Howard Dean’s 2004 Presidential Hush Money Campaign.

THE GREEN PARTY TEA SERVICE SET -$284.00
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

Set Includes:
-12 inch handweaved teapot
-12 hemp cups
-12 dandelion & lemon grass saucers
– 1 soy milk creamer bowl
– 1 honey-glazed sugar bowl
-12 biodegradable napkins
-12 pounds of herbal green tea

Show that stressed-out and filthy-rich oil executive that you really care. Surprise the hell out of him and give him The Green Party Tea Service Set today. Happily imagine him sipping on a nice warm cup of herbal green tea while looking out of his 31st floor executive office at a huge oil pump bring up millions of barrels of black gold, texas tea. Ahh, how soothing! The teapot effortlessly brews up to 100 cups of herbal green tea an hour making it the perfect Christmas party gift for executives at Chevron-Texaco, Exxon-Mobil or Conoco-Phillips.

THE LITTLE RED ELEPHANT RIDING HOODIE – $32.00
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

Who says a Republican can’t be down with the homies?
Well yes he can!
Republicans wear this item over any three piece Brooks Brothers suit and watch as it instantly takes years off of your appearance making you look hip and off-the-chain as the kids say nowadays.
This item is the perfect gift for those Republicans trying to attract more minorities and youths to their campaigns!

Features:
-Extra large, large, medium, small and petite sizes
-Choose from red, black, white, blue, yellow, purple, brown, orange and pink colors
-Hood is water resistant and has a draw string
-Side pockets are durable and sturdy
-Made from 100% Cotton

Special Feature(s):
-Large Republican Red Elephant Symbol appears in the middle of the hoodie
-Gives any Republican instant street cred
-Gives any Republican the ability to rap or break dance too
-Gives police the right to arrest you for doing absolutely nothing at any time

ELECTORAL COLLEGE RULED NOTEBOOK PAPER – $13,000
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

A must have for the college bound Republican student!

Features:
-6 in x 9 1/2 in
-3 hole punched
-120 sheets
-Paper cut free design
-White color paper with an old money background

Special Features:
-This paper has the unique ability to decide the outcome of a Republican student’s assignments or grades thus taking the power out of his or her hands despite all the hardwork they may have put in!
-Provides a Republican student with bad grades a legitimate excuse to gain entrance into another ivy league college or university after flunking out of an ivy league college or university!

This item is perfect for the Republican student who plays squash, likes to party or is an average student like George W. Bush was.

THE BILL CLINTON MAGIC 8 BALL – $9.00
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

Republicans, do you want to know the whole truth about the Clinton Presidency?
Well stop wondering about it and do something!
Buy the Bill Clinton Magic 8 Ball today! Imagine having your own personal porthole into the mind of the former president.
Finally, get the truth to those important question that you have been seeking like:
“Does Bill Clinton eat Pixy Stix before bedtime?”
“Does Hilary wear Bill’s boxers to senate meetings?”
“If Bill Clinton catches me reading his thoughts, will he come through this magic 8 ball and kick my ass?”

Features Include:
-Black and white color
-Round design
-Made from 100% Latex Rubber
-Unlucky number 8 on top of the ball
-Shoddy and unreliable craftsmanship
-“Don’t ask, Don’t tell” eight year administration warranty

Special Feature(s) Include:
-Small picture of Bill Clinton on the left side giving the finger to the buyer of the Bill Clinton Magic 8 Ball

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