Posts tagged Merry Christmas

SANTA BABY STOCKING STUFFED WITH SANTA BABY LYRICS!


santababystocking

With my favorite holiday approaching I think that this is the appropriate time to share with you one of my favorite Christmas songs, Santa Baby.  The lyrics are below.  Many people have recorded this song but my favorite singer of this song is Eartha Kitt! Happy Holidays!  Enjoy!

SANTA BABY LYRICS:

(Baboom baboom baboom baboom)
(Baboom baboom baboom baboom)
Santa Baby, just slip a sable under the tree
For me
Been an awful good girl
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, a fifty-four convertible too
Light blue
I’ll wait up for you, dear
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Think of all the fun I’ve missed
Think of all the fellas that I haven’t kissed
Next year I could be just as good
If you’ll check off my Christmas list
Santa baby, I want a yacht and really that’s not a lot
Been an angel all year
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa honey, one little thing I really need the deed
To a platinum mine
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa cutie, and fill my stocking with a duplex
And checks
Sign your ‘x’ on the line
Santa cutie, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Come and trim my Christmas tree
With some decorations bought at Tiffany
I really do believe in you
Let’s see if you believe in me

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing
A ring
I don’t mean on the phone
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry, tonight

Songwriters
JOAN JAVITS, PHILIP SPRINGER, TONY SPRINGER

 

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TWO OF MRS. CLAUS’ NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS FOR 2013!


(Mrs. Claus’ New Year’s Resolution 1!)
-Offer to perform 69 with Santa in lieu of having to sing 1 more goddamn’ Christmas carol to 666 snot-nosed fucking brats on Christmas eve.

AND

(Mrs. Claus’ New Year’s Resolution 2!)
-Use my hot cross buns vibrator with the frankincense & myrrh clitoral stimulator only during Lent so that way I won’t have to give up “meat” altogether because lord knows I ain’t gettin’ any from Santa.

ANYHOO, MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR, FOLKS!

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JESUS’ FROSTED FEET & HIS HOT CROSS BUNS! (A POEM BY TINA KNOWLEDGEABLE PEDEN)


Here is a poem that I wrote for the upcoming Christmas season. Enjoy!

Thank you Jesus Christ for the
hot cross buns this Christmas
they simply can’t be beat!

And to worship, praise and
thank you for your sacrifice
I kiss the bottom of the
vanilla frosting cross on the
hot cross bun as if it were
your precious feet.

It’s the least that I can do
for you every Christmas for
being the inspiration behind
the ultimate religious sweet
before I eat.

Merry Christmas and Happy
New Year to you Jesus Christ
who I hope one day to meet
in heaven and personally
thank for many years of feasting
on this delightful holiday
spiced treat!

Hey Jesus Christ & Hot Cross Buns
you both rule the earth and
are both super neat!

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THANKSGIVING SNOW, PLEASE JUST GO! (A POEM BY TINA KNOWLEDGEABLE PEDEN)


Here is a poem that I wrote for the upcoming Thanksgiving/Christmas season.  Enjoy!

Hey snow on Thanksgiving, whoa!
You’re pretty but not yet, no!
I’m just not ready for it, oh please no!
No offense Thanksgiving snow but I
got things to do, I really gotta’ go!
For instance, going to Black Friday
sales where I can save a bunch of dough.
Christmas Tree selecting while I guzzle
down a nice hot cup of joe.
Which is why rain, sleet and especially
snow, you all gotta’ go!
I’m sorry but I don’t want to have to pay
to get my car a tow!
Or wait an hour for the snow on the streets to
get a mow!
I got ants in my pants and I really gotta’ go!
So snow on Thanksgiving Day heck no!
Hey snow be my friend not my foe!
And please please please just go!
Happy Thanksgiving not Merry Christmas
ho, ho, ho meaning no snow!
Snow on Thanksgiving Day is just plain low!
I mean am I reaping what I sow?
I mean I don’t think so.
Okay Thanksgiving snow, listen up because I
have a bribe for you, yo.
Please please please go and i’ll buy you a
nice Christmas present all wrapped up and
topped with a cherry-shaped bow!
Thanksgiving snow, please just go!

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S GREETING CARDS IN A BLOG POST! (GREETING CARD 2)


(This is a Christmas Day greeting card for lovers. It is a card that a man can give to that special lady in his life.)

When It Comes To The Kissing Snow, Don’t Fight It Baby!

It arrives a few days before Christmas Day,
And sometimes on the big day itself,
It’s different from other snow,
And baby, you’ll know it!

To put it simply, once the kissing snow of Christmas Day starts to fall upon you,

Wham!
Bam!
Lover’s delight!
Pure orgasmic dynomite!

Sensual visions instantly start to fill your head and loins,
“Come to me my sweet valentine, I want to put your delectable lips to mine!”

The rush of a fervent blush spreads like wildfire all over your body,
Passion containment is futile,
Don’t try to fight it baby!

Kissing you my sweet valentine is the only cure,
I adore, I want more, my desire for you soars!
Don’t fight it baby!

On this wondrous Christmas Day my sweet valentine, let the kissing snow of Christmas Day bewitch you body and soul,

So that I, your lover, can take complete possession of your lovely body and soul on this wondrous Christmas Night!

P.S. MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM YOUR “HOPE I GET LUCKY TONIGHT BECAUSE I GOT ALL ROMANTIC AND SHIT THIS YEAR ON XMAS INSTEAD OF JUST ON VALENTINE’S DAY LIKE I USUALLY DO SO THEREFORE I DESERVE A REWARD” LOVER!

(Hey guys, consider giving this gift to go along with this greeting card–A package of Hershey’s chocolate kisses with a red ribbon tied around it, sexy lingerie from Victoria’s Secret or Target and a Kissable Kandle from Nawty Things in an assortment of flavors. Merry Christmas guys and I hope you get a lot of nookie along with all of those Christmas cookies!)

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IT’S CHRISTMAS HUMOR TIME: YOU AIN’T GONNA’ BELIEVE THIS SHIT, DID YOU HEAR SANTA CLAUS’ HOLIDAY MESSAGE ON THE SANTA HOTLINE?!


(Santa is in his home office sitting at his desk. Santa quickly scans the instruction booklet then presses the “record” button on his new telephone answering machine and begins to record the following message for the kids who will call his new Santa Hotline. By the by, Santa’s broke-ass will be charging the kids $3.99 per call.)

Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas, Kids!”

“Can you believe it, Christmas is almost here!”

“We are all very busy in the North Pole. The elves are wrapping the presents, Mrs Claus is baking lots of Christmas cookies and mending my Santa Suit and I am cleaning the sleigh and helping Rudolph and the other reindeer practice their flying for the big day.”

“It won’t be long before I am high above the skies of your homes on Christmas Eve dropping presents to all you good boys and girls.”

“I hope all of you have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!”

“I love you all very much and I will see you soon!”

“Bye!”

“And kids before I forget, don’t you forget to leave me a message telling me what gift you want for Christmas after the beep.”

(Santa presses the “stop” button on his new telephone answering machine because he has finished recording his holiday message to the kids on his new hotline but unbeknownst to Santa he has misread the instructions and was supposed to press the “stop” button TWICE on his new telephone answering machine to stop recording. Unfortunately for Santa but fortunate for everybody who reads this blog post his new telephone answering machine keeps on recording and in a short time all of the kids who call Santa’s Hotline will hear the following extended message too.)

(Santa lets out a loud breath of air then begins to talk to himself.)

“Whew! It sure feels good to get that shit over with!”

“Fuckin’ snot-nosed brats!”

“Now, I can kick back and relax in my Barca lounger with a cold brew and work on my New Year’s Resolutions while motormouth is in the kitchen baking Christmas cookies and fixing my Santa suit. Goddamn, that woman can talk! She never shuts the hell up!”

“At times like this, I wish to hell that I had never married her, but of course the bitch got pregnant so I had no choice!”

“Of course, no sooner than she gets the damn ring on her finger, she loses the baby so basically I married her sorry-ass for nothing!”

“Figures! I really wanted that kid!”

“Personal note to self: Cry like a baby later.”

“I’ll tell ya’ if it wasn’t for bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all!”

“Good ol’ St. Nick, my ass muthafucker!”

“Anyway…….Okay, Jolly ol’ St. Nick, stop it! You need to relax. For an hour or so, try to forget about that loud-ass motormouth bitch that you’re married to and focus on your New Year’s Resolutions for 2013.”

(Santa gets up from his desk then walks over to the mini-fridge in the corner of his office and takes out a six pack of Bud Light. He then walks over to the other side of his office where there is a Barca Lounger and a small table. Santa plunks the six pack of beer loudly down onto the table then throws himself happily down into his Barca Lounger. He reaches his right hand down into the Barca Lounger’s side pocket and pulls out a pen and a pad of paper.)

“Okay here we go, Santa’s New Year’s Resolutions for 2013.”

“Stop cheating on the wife with other “ho’s” which is one of the many perks of the job, thank god!” (“In my defense, if I don’t cheat how else am I gonna’ have the son or daughter that I so desperately want because that dumb-ass wife of mine is sterile.”)

“Personal note to self: Cry like a baby later and call ‘Samantha the Panther’ later for a late night booty call.”

“Stop stealing the “good” presents from under the Christmas trees then replacing them with totally “lame” gifts and laughing about it later.” (“In my defense, I can’t help it that i’m overworked and underpaid and don’t have the time or money to buy jack-shit!”)

“Get a faster “ride” like a Hummer because Rudolph and the other reindeer are just too damn slow! I’m a playa’ whose got things to do and places to go!”

“Once I get the Hummer, get some music that my car can bounce to like all those stoned rappers on MTV.”

“Exercise and eat right every day so that I can become a lean mean fighting machine! (Personal note to self: Tuesday, stay up until 3:00 a.m. so that I can catch one of those infomercials that sell the George Foreman Grill or order it off of his website at http://www.georgeforemancooking.com)”

“Reward any weight loss with a couple of packages of Hostess Ho-Ho’s and a gallon of chocolate milk.”

“Change name to “Santy D” or “STD” to increase my street cred and hopefully get a guest spot d-jaying on MTV.”

“Be more politically correct by eliminating my trademark chant, “Ho! Ho! Ho!” Instead try to say, “Strong Confident Woman! Strong Confident Woman! Strong Confident Woman, except around Mrs. Claus who is nothing but a loud-ass-never-shuts-the-hell-up Ho, Ho, Ho!”

“Replace my red and white santa hat with a do-rag and my black boots with timberlands to further increase my street cred and hopefully get a guest spot d-jaying on MTV.”

(Unbeknownst to Santa, the disc is full and the “record” button on Santa’s new telephone answering machine clicks off.)

Humorous Christmas Gifts at http://www.cafepress.com

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS SPECIAL HOLIDAY STORY! MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN! HAVE A SAFE AND HAPPY CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY!

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