Posts tagged Republican

TIPS ON HOW TO STOP VOTER SUPPRESSION!


Some lawmakers in states like North Carolina try to do everything under the sun to make it as difficult as possible for people who are eligible to vote, to actually cast a vote for fear that their political party won’t reign victorious.  And we all know what that bullshit is called…..voter suppression!

Here’s a tip on how to stop voter suppression:

-Go to a reputable fundraising website like GoFundMe.com and start a campaign to raise money in order to be able to give out vouchers to cash strapped eligible voters in all 50 states who are unable to purchase a state issued i.d. card or passport which includes a photo so that they can prove definitively who they are and thus be able to cast a vote for the candidate of their choice!

Hooray for democracy!

NoMoreTearsEnoughisEnough

EnoughisEnoughNoMoreTearsUnofficialAntiTrumpSong

 

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ELECTORAL COLLEGE 666, ELECTORAL COLLEGE RED & BLUE SONG!


electoralcollegeredandblue

-Electoral College 666, Founding fathers ingenious tricks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Hill & Gore won the pop vote, to some hooray, others boo hoo hoo,
-Electoral College 666, Makes brilliant scholars feel like dicks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Red States, Blue States and Purple ones too,
-Electoral College 666, We the people don’t really pick our own president, oh fiddle sticks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Indirect democracy rules and picks your president for you,
-Electoral College 666, People vote in Nov, Electors vote in Dec amid an icy & snowy mix,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, 270 electoral votes, candidate baby, brings it all home to you,
-Electoral College 666, Discourages damn voter fraud, hey cheaters, baby yo’ plan got nix,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Swing States, Safe States any of them can flip the bird to you,

-Electoral College 666, Any foreigner messin’ with our elections best be prepared to take some licks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Trump & Bush won the EC vote, to some hooray, others boo hoo hoo,
-Electoral College 666, Us big-ass states rule the Electoral College you inferior dumb little hicks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Us little-ass states in a close election can drop the bomb on you,
-Electoral College 666, I’m an Elector and i’m gonna’ vote my way, states, so screw you, I rule, pricks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, The People say honor thy State’s wishes, Electors damn well better do,
-Electoral College 666, Some say get rid of or update this outdated bitch, give it several-ass kicks,
-Electoral College Red & Blue, Others say the Electoral College works, so suck it, crybabies, boo hoo hoo,
-Electoral College 666, For now, noone really knows how to overhaul the EC system or do a major fix,
-And Finally, Electoral College Red & Blue, For now, many discussions in support and against the Electoral College means a little drama and mayhem will always definitely ensue!

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ELECTION 2016, WHAT WILL YOU BE? A SONG WRITTEN BY TINA KNOWLEDGEABLE PEDEN


Verse 1:

-Ted Cruz was the first one to break his presidential run cherry,
-Rest in peace, “Bitch, set me up”, former D.C. Mayor Marion Barry,
-Don’t ya’ll think Monica Lewinsky’s 2015 comeback is precursor-ass scary,
-On no, Election 2016, i’m starting to feel a little bit wary,
-Oh Election 2016, I need some alka seltzer, Jesus, Joseph and Mary!

Chorus:

-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-A lovely lady or debonair gentlemen to me,
-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-Will you love or totally bitch slap the hell outta’ me,
-Election 2016, to put it former Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger bluntly,
-Will you Frank and Claire Underwood totally fuck the shit out of me,
-Oh Election 2016, please please tell me,
-Just what in the hell will you be,
-All this not knowing is driving me absolutely crazy,
-Hey, I just can’t wait till Tuesday, November 8, 2016 baby,
-When the answer to my question will be revealed at last, finally!

Verse 2:

-My fellow Americans if Hilary is elected her husband will fuck every intern in the White House, he likes em’ young, baby,
-My fellow Americans if any Republican is elected they will give more tax breaks to the ultra rich like the Koch brothers, loud-ass carbonated burp, honey,
-Oh shut up liberal and leave Bristol Palin and other unqualified politician’s youngin’s be,
-Go suck an egg conservative before spending some of that leftover pocketed super pac money,
-Ahhh, Election 2016, the mudslinging goal, make your political opponent look like one hell of a pussy!

Chorus:

-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-A lovely lady or debonair gentlemen to me,
-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-Will you love or totally bitch slap the hell outta’ me,
-Election 2016, to put it former Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger bluntly,
-Will you Frank and Claire Underwood totally fuck the shit out of me,
-Oh Election 2016, please please tell me,
-Just what in the hell will you be,
-All this not knowing is driving me absolutely crazy,
-Hey, I just can’t wait till Tuesday, November 8, 2016 baby,
-When the answer to my question will be revealed at last, finally!

Verse 3:

-Racism, poverty, immigration, usually not problems facing the tea party,
-Democrats in regards to these problems aren’t exactly Mother Teresa saintly,
-Oh fair candidate, oh dark candidate, we oh so need you to help us fix problems like these urgently,
-Show yourself gallant sir or bewitching maiden and lead us to economic and social prosperity,
-Election 2016 candidates, show us you really care, not Obamacare, oh so swiftly!

Chorus:

-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-A lovely lady or debonair gentlemen to me,
-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-Will you love or totally bitch slap the hell outta’ me,
-Election 2016, to put it former Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger bluntly,
-Will you Frank and Claire Underwood totally fuck the shit out of me,
-Oh Election 2016, please please tell me,
-Just what in the hell will you be,
-All this not knowing is driving me absolutely crazy,
-Hey, I just can’t wait till Tuesday, November 8, 2016 baby,
-When the answer to my question will be revealed at last, finally!

Verse 4:

-Candidates, try not to Aaron Schock us by spending taxpayer money ala Downton Abbey,
-Or wiping your email server clean when you are not supposed to ala Clinton Hillary,
-Stop all the bullshit and fulfill all your campaign promises to your constituency,
-Bring back honor to politics and end the stereotypical rhetoric about politicians asap,
-Then you will see more people turning out to vote in elections incessantly! (Whoopee)

Chorus:

-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-A lovely lady or debonair gentlemen to me,
-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-Will you love or totally bitch slap the hell outta’ me,
-Election 2016, to put it former Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger bluntly,
-Will you Frank and Claire Underwood totally fuck the shit out of me,
-Oh Election 2016, please please tell me,
-Just what in the hell will you be,
-All this not knowing is driving me absolutely crazy,
-Hey, I just can’t wait till Tuesday, November 8, 2016 baby,
-When the answer to my question will be revealed at last, finally!

Verse 5:

-So Republicans, rush rush to the polls and do the Limbaugh baby,
-And Democrats hurry hurry to the polls and honor the Kennedy legacy,
-And if you like to masturbate, go out and vote Independently,
-Whatever gets you off, just make your voice heard great sex loudly,
-But most of all, American red, white and blue star spangled proudly!

Chorus:

-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-A lovely lady or debonair gentlemen to me,
-Oh Election 2016, what will you be,
-Will you love or totally bitch slap the hell outta’ me,
-Election 2016, to put it former Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger bluntly,
-Will you Frank and Claire Underwood totally fuck the shit out of me,
-Oh Election 2016, please please tell me,
-Just what in the hell will you be,
-All this not knowing is driving me absolutely crazy,
-Hey, I just can’t wait till Tuesday, November 8, 2016 baby,
-When the answer to my question will be revealed at last, finally!

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10 HOTTEST RETRO REPUBLICAN & DEMOCRATIC GIFTS FOR THE 2012 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION!


GIFTS FOR DEMOCRATS
The GEORGE W. BUSH ANSWERING MACHINE – $40.00
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

Standard Features Include:
-60 minutes of Recording Time
-Caller Id
-Time/Day Stamp
-LED Light which Displays Messages
-Voice Mailbox
-Fast Forward & Rewind Buttons
-Battery Backup

Unique Features Include:
-A picture of George W. Bush crying appears in the lower right-hand corner of the answering machine whenever a person leaves a voice message.
-The personalized voice greeting has a pathetic George W. Bush crying loudly in the background while the Democratic Children’s Choir chants, “Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! George Bush can’t run for president again! He served the maximum two terms, there’s no way he can ever win again! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! And by the way, leave your name, phone number and a brief message after the beep.”

THE RUSH LIMBAUGH PILL SPLITTER – $8.00
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

Guaranteed to split even the most loud and obnoxious pills, tablets or capsules.
WARNING: This pill splitter doesn’t work on Oxycontin pills.
(A little ironic and hypocritical don’t you think!)

Standard Features Include:
-Stainless steel blade
-Non-slip cutting surface called Pill Grip
-Dishwasher safe design
-Multiple compartments for eating humble pie

THE MARION BARRY SUPER SUCTION VACUUM CLEANER WITH SECRET COMPARTMENTS – $575.00
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

This is the creme de la creme of vacuums. It virtually sucks up everything in a 3 mile radius. Dirt, dust, prostitutes and crack cocaine are no match for this powerhouse. Works on all surfaces. Excellent for hotels used in sting operations.

Features:
-Black Color
-Roller Brush Agitator
-Extra Long Cord for Career Suicide
-Detachable Hose
-Upholstery Brush
-Corner Cleaner
-6 Month Prison Term Warranty

Special Features:
-“Bitch Set Me Up” Secret Compartment has the ability to hold a wide variety of complaints about Rasheeda Moore, Barry’s former girlfriend.
-FBI Sting Operation Videocassette Recorder Secret Compartment produces high-quality, damaging and indictable photographs.

G.O.P. SMOKE DETECTOR WITH B.S. ALERT SIGNAL – $60.00
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

Standard Features Include:
-Lightweight Design
-Extra Loud Volume Control
-Remote Controlled Alarm Silence and Test
-Intelligent Sensing which distinguishes between non-threatening conditions and real emergencies
-Automatic Daily Self-Check Test

Unique Feature(s) Include:
-Built-in B.S. Alert Signal has the ability to detect when a Republican is blowing smoke up a Democrat’s ass. Produces a red ray of light on the offending Republican which can only be seen by a Democrat. The B.S. Alert Signal is activated when a Republican is lying through his teeth, smoking marijuana or talking about Dick Cheney. This item is a hot seller at private country clubs around the U.S.A.

THE JFK LOST EARRING LOCATOR – $29.99
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

Perfect gift for the bed-hopping democrat!

The JFK Lost Earring Locator instantly locates a democrat’s mistresses lost earring in any bed. Air, four-poster, canopy, bunk bed, etc. You name it and the JFK Lost Earring Locator will find it! This earring locator has the unique ability to locate a democrat’s mistresses earring before the maid or pissed-off wife finds it and goes to the National Inquirer with it.

Features:
-Bright Flashing Light makes it easy to find earring in the dark
-Soft whisper sound can only be heard by other bed-hopping democrats so there is absolutely no chance of a Republican finding out and squealing on you
-Hand-held remote control design is compact and durable
-Responds to distances of 1 million miles (Perfect for those bed-hopping democrats who want to take their mistresses on a vacation to a foreign country.)

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GIFTS FOR REPUBLICANS

THE HOWARD DEAN CORNCOB-SHAPED BULLHORN WITH VOLUME CONTROL – $77.00
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

The perfect sabotage gift!
Republicans, give this bullhorn to any Democrat and watch his or her career go directly down the toilet! This bullhorn has the unique ability to kill a Democrat’s career in a single shout! Encourage Democrats to use this bullhorn at libraries, day care centers or churches where it is totally inappropriate to be shouting like a damn fool!

Features Include:
-1000 Yard range
-26 Watts
-Handheld & Compact
-16 AA Batteries (Included)
-Powerful Siren & Wrist Strap
-Adjustable Volume Switches include “Idiot-Loud”, “Lunatic-Loud” or the most powerful volume switch of all, “We’re going to New Hampshire, Oklahoma, South Carolina then to Washington D.C. to take back the White House Yeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhh-Loud!”

NOTE: A third of the profits made from the sale of this item will go to the Iowa Deaf
& Dazed Association, unofficial sponsor of Howard Dean’s 2004 Presidential Hush Money Campaign.

THE GREEN PARTY TEA SERVICE SET -$284.00
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

Set Includes:
-12 inch handweaved teapot
-12 hemp cups
-12 dandelion & lemon grass saucers
– 1 soy milk creamer bowl
– 1 honey-glazed sugar bowl
-12 biodegradable napkins
-12 pounds of herbal green tea

Show that stressed-out and filthy-rich oil executive that you really care. Surprise the hell out of him and give him The Green Party Tea Service Set today. Happily imagine him sipping on a nice warm cup of herbal green tea while looking out of his 31st floor executive office at a huge oil pump bring up millions of barrels of black gold, texas tea. Ahh, how soothing! The teapot effortlessly brews up to 100 cups of herbal green tea an hour making it the perfect Christmas party gift for executives at Chevron-Texaco, Exxon-Mobil or Conoco-Phillips.

THE LITTLE RED ELEPHANT RIDING HOODIE – $32.00
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

Who says a Republican can’t be down with the homies?
Well yes he can!
Republicans wear this item over any three piece Brooks Brothers suit and watch as it instantly takes years off of your appearance making you look hip and off-the-chain as the kids say nowadays.
This item is the perfect gift for those Republicans trying to attract more minorities and youths to their campaigns!

Features:
-Extra large, large, medium, small and petite sizes
-Choose from red, black, white, blue, yellow, purple, brown, orange and pink colors
-Hood is water resistant and has a draw string
-Side pockets are durable and sturdy
-Made from 100% Cotton

Special Feature(s):
-Large Republican Red Elephant Symbol appears in the middle of the hoodie
-Gives any Republican instant street cred
-Gives any Republican the ability to rap or break dance too
-Gives police the right to arrest you for doing absolutely nothing at any time

ELECTORAL COLLEGE RULED NOTEBOOK PAPER – $13,000
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

A must have for the college bound Republican student!

Features:
-6 in x 9 1/2 in
-3 hole punched
-120 sheets
-Paper cut free design
-White color paper with an old money background

Special Features:
-This paper has the unique ability to decide the outcome of a Republican student’s assignments or grades thus taking the power out of his or her hands despite all the hardwork they may have put in!
-Provides a Republican student with bad grades a legitimate excuse to gain entrance into another ivy league college or university after flunking out of an ivy league college or university!

This item is perfect for the Republican student who plays squash, likes to party or is an average student like George W. Bush was.

THE BILL CLINTON MAGIC 8 BALL – $9.00
(This gift item needs a drawing to accompany the text.)

Republicans, do you want to know the whole truth about the Clinton Presidency?
Well stop wondering about it and do something!
Buy the Bill Clinton Magic 8 Ball today! Imagine having your own personal porthole into the mind of the former president.
Finally, get the truth to those important question that you have been seeking like:
“Does Bill Clinton eat Pixy Stix before bedtime?”
“Does Hilary wear Bill’s boxers to senate meetings?”
“If Bill Clinton catches me reading his thoughts, will he come through this magic 8 ball and kick my ass?”

Features Include:
-Black and white color
-Round design
-Made from 100% Latex Rubber
-Unlucky number 8 on top of the ball
-Shoddy and unreliable craftsmanship
-“Don’t ask, Don’t tell” eight year administration warranty

Special Feature(s) Include:
-Small picture of Bill Clinton on the left side giving the finger to the buyer of the Bill Clinton Magic 8 Ball

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RETRO PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION GEMS: (CINDY MCCAIN HAS DONE SOME STUPID THINGS BUT AT LEAST SHE DON’T HAVE BUMBLEBEE HAIR!)


This is a comedy piece that I wrote for the 2008 Presidential Election back in May 2008. Turn the clock temporarily back and enjoy!

Like alot of political wives before her, Cindy McCain has done alot of stupid things.

To name a few:

-Failing to release her and her husband’s tax returns like all of the other presidential candidates and their spouses have done thus looking like her and her husband have something to hide (which they probably do!) plus also fueling the fires that she is nothing more than a privileged elitist rich bitch which is a name that the majority of Democrats call her behind her badly dressed back.

-Criticizing fellow Republican party member, George Bush’s administration for not deploying enough troops during the Iraq war like she’s some kind of mathematical troop expert (Hey Cindy, I hate to be the one to break it to ya’ honey but you ain’t no John Nash!) thus fueling the fires that she is nothing more than a privileged elitist rich bitch which is a name that the majority of Republicans started calling her behind her badly dressed back after the George Bush troop deployment thing. (Hey Cindy, if you don’t think that the president sends enough troops over to the countries it’s fighting against in wartime, why the hell don’t YOU enlist in one of the services and take your ass over there and add one more soldier to the fight! I dare you Cindy! I triple dog dare you!)

-Giving a totally lame excuse when she got caught trying to rip off some recipes from The Food Network and pass them off as her own on the McCain campaign website thereby fooling absolutely noone because not for one minute does anybody think that this chick actually cooks her own meals when she probably has an army of minority servants to do it for her.

But there is one thing that separates Cindy from alot of the other political chicks in the spotlight today and that thing is that Cindy McCain doesn’t have no bumblebee hair!

So take that all of you hater democratic bitches!

This republican bombshell keeps her roots dyed regularly.  Basically when it comes to the upkeep of her hair, Cindy McCain keeps her shit tight and right!

And that goes along way baby in my book.

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