Posts tagged Sexy

SANTA BABY STOCKING STUFFED WITH SANTA BABY LYRICS!


santababystocking

With my favorite holiday approaching I think that this is the appropriate time to share with you one of my favorite Christmas songs, Santa Baby.  The lyrics are below.  Many people have recorded this song but my favorite singer of this song is Eartha Kitt! Happy Holidays!  Enjoy!

SANTA BABY LYRICS:

(Baboom baboom baboom baboom)
(Baboom baboom baboom baboom)
Santa Baby, just slip a sable under the tree
For me
Been an awful good girl
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, a fifty-four convertible too
Light blue
I’ll wait up for you, dear
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Think of all the fun I’ve missed
Think of all the fellas that I haven’t kissed
Next year I could be just as good
If you’ll check off my Christmas list
Santa baby, I want a yacht and really that’s not a lot
Been an angel all year
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa honey, one little thing I really need the deed
To a platinum mine
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa cutie, and fill my stocking with a duplex
And checks
Sign your ‘x’ on the line
Santa cutie, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Come and trim my Christmas tree
With some decorations bought at Tiffany
I really do believe in you
Let’s see if you believe in me

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing
A ring
I don’t mean on the phone
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry, tonight

Songwriters
JOAN JAVITS, PHILIP SPRINGER, TONY SPRINGER

 

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TINA KNOWLEDGEABLE PEDEN’S DATING TIPS FOR MEN! (TIP 1) THIS ONE IS FOR MY NO NONSENSE BOYS!


Hey No Nonsense Guys, if during the course of your date the female that you are out with takes a bad spill due to the 10 inch stilleto heels that she is wearing, No Nonsense Guys do the right thing and help her ass up!

I know that this may be difficult for a No Nonsense Guy to do because your logical reasoning is that your female companion claimed previously to you before you asked her out on a date that she was a strong intelligent millenium woman and you feel strongly that you would be going against her wishes by helping her ass up because any strong intelligent millenium woman would have common sense enough to know not to step foot (pun intended) out of the damn house in a pair of 10 inch stilleto heels in the first damn place especially on a first date! I mean, what the fuck! What is this? The damn seventies! I mean, platform shoes are out baby girl!

No Nonsense Guys, I know that you think your female companion knew the damn risks when she put the 10 inch stilleto shoes on and her strong intelligent millenium ass knew damn well that it was more than probable during the course of the date that she would eventually either fall flat on her ass or face down kissin’ pavement thereby looking all stupid and shit in front of you and all of the other people in the establishment that you are a patron at. The shit was just fucking inevitable! So since she is a strong intelligent millenium woman she absolutely must take responsiblility for her own stupid-ass actions and she is also absolutely capable of scraping her own ass off of the floor and she absolutely doesn’t need you to help her do it being that she is a strong intelligent millenium woman.

No Nonsense Guys, I will concede that you have made several excellent points! I give you props for that HOWEVER no matter how much in your heart and soul that you think that it was entirely your date’s fault that she took a bad spill due to her own stupidity and she got exactly what she deserved by being totally stupid ass by wearing 10 inch stilleto heel shoes on your date, PLEASE GIVE HER A DAMN BREAK! (And to all of my 10 inch stilleto heel shoe wearing girls, no pun intended gurrrl, I really hope that you girls are okay and didn’t break any bones or anything!)

Anyhoo, movin’ on!

No Nonsense Guys, let me clue your rigid minds to the fact that your female companion only wore those stupid ass 10 inch stilleto shoes for your ass to entice you into noticing how sexy and beguiling her legs and feet are and how good those sexy legs and feet would look wrapped around your rigid-minded ass when you “do the nasty” later on so basically No Nonsense Guys by not helping your date’s ass up after she takes a bad spill in 10 inch stilleto heel shoes that she wore expressly for you, you are ruining your chances of “hittin’ that” or “gettin’ some” from your date later on which is incredibly stupid!

No Nonsense Guys, do the right and gentlemenly thing for your date, yourself and your penis by helping your date up after she falls on her ass or flat on her fucking face due to the 10 inch stilleto heel shoes that she was wearing for you.

Also give her another chance to prove to you that she truly is a strong intelligent millenium woman and not a total MO-ron for wearing 10 inch stilleto heel shoes on your date. (And by the by, I love the seventies and platform shoes! They totally rocked the boat and didn’t tip the boat or your date over! P.S. I love you Hues Corporation!)

Remember, No Nonsense Guys, your date is simply an innocent woman with stupid-ass retro judgment who simply wanted to look sexy for you on your date so that she could get into your pants later. No biggie! Please give her another chance!

But for all of my No Nonsense Guys who still are on the fence about whether to help your date’s ass up after she takes a bad spill due to the 10 inch stiletto heel shoes that she’s wearing because you don’t want to be an ENABLER! Dudes, get a damn life and get the fuck off of that high horse that you are on and you might also want to take that big-ass stick shoved up your ass too!

No Nonsense Guys, you are going to get some poontang later which is something most normal heterosexual guys want at the end of their dates! Especially on a first date! So stop being a total fucking MO-ron yourself and help your date up off of her ass or face when she takes a bad spill due to wearing 10 inch stiletto heel shoes on your date!

Geez!

Is chivalry truly dead in the millenium?

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S GREETING CARDS IN BLOG POST! (GREETING CARD 6)


Hey fellas, here is an imaginary get well greeting card that is sure to make you feel better if you’re feeling under the weather.
(Guys, use your imagination! Picture this…….)
Name of imaginary greeting card:
Hoo-Ha Pie
Script Text:
(Pretty girl is in a blank setting then says in a sexy but sympathetic way)
“Poor baby, I heard that you weren’t feeling so well, so I decided to do something to make you feel a whole lot better.”
(Pretty girl is now in a kitchen setting)
“Honey, I stopped by the grocery store and picked you up (pretty girl holds up each item) some chicken soup, crackers, orange juice, vitamin c and a can of whipped cream so that I can make you my extra special “get well” dessert.”
(Pretty girl smiles coyly and holds on to the can of whipped cream)
(A recipe card for Hoo-Ha Pie now appears on the screen)
Hoo-Ha Pie
Ingredients:
1 can of whipped cream
1 Hoo-Ha
(Camera pans down to a close up of the pretty girl wearing sexy underwear, basically a crotch shot)
(Camera then slowly moves upward to the pretty girl’s face)
“Let me show you how to make it. (Pretty girl demonstrates) Spray whipped cream liberally on the hoo-ha area, then eat and enjoy!”
“And honey, remember that Hoo-Ha Pie is best served hot!”
(Pretty girl winks at camera)
“Bye, hope that this made you feel better.”
(Pretty girl then says in sweet voice)
(PUNCHLINE)
“And incidentally if it didn’t…………..”
(Short pause)
(Pretty girl then says in a loud fake joking voice)
“Screw you, sucka’! You deserve to be in pain!”
(Pretty girl returns to the sweet voice)
“Bye, sweetie.”
(Pretty girl waves goodbye)
(End of imaginary greeting card)

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HEY GAY GUYS, HERE’S A SPECIAL VALENTINE’S DAY TREAT JUST FOR YOU!


This is a humor piece written especially for all of you gay guys out there! Enjoy!

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, I know that alot of you fellows will be going home to spend the holiday with your families. Some of you will also be taking along your future husband-to-be to meet your parents for the first time.

Gay Guys, fathers you really don’t have to worry about because basically as long as the boyfriend doesn’t drink up all of the beer, eat up all of the hamburgers and chocolate marshmallow hearts, talk too much or block the television while a sporting event is on they’re okay with Dad, but when it comes to Mothers and their gay sons, guys watch out!

Gay Guys, let me give you a valuable piece of advice, a couple of days before you make the trip to his parent’s house be sure to pump your boyfriend thoroughly for details on his Mother. Ask him about things that she likes and MOST IMPORTANTLY things that she doesn’t like done in her house especially during the Valentine’s Day holiday! To give you an idea of exactly what I am talking about, I have included a couple of examples below of what not to do in your boyfriend’s mamas house if you want to continue to keep that big-ass 7 carat diamond ring on your finger.

ATHEIST MAMA HOUSE RULE:
“Don’t ever disrespect the actress, Jodie Foster in front of your boyfriend’s Atheist Mama! What are you crazy!”

Gay Guys, ever since her iconic and to atheists everywhere inspirational role in the movie, “Contact” as Dr. Eleanor Arroway, you know the “I-don’t-believe-in-God-I-believe-in-Science character she portrayed, Jodie Foster has achieved “God-like” status in every atheist home around the world.

So, before your boyfriend takes you home to meet his Atheist Mama for the first time, memorize the following words below.

“Praise Jodie, Love Jodie, Be One With Jodie But Don’t Ever Disrespect Jodie!”

Remember, when you are talking to your boyfriend’s Atheist Mama try to say as many nice things about Jodie Foster as you possibly can. I have included two examples below.

Example 1:
“The roast and potatoes that you cooked for dinner tonight Mrs. Watson tasted fantastic but Jodie Foster could have done a much better job than you.”

Example 2:
“I just loved the movie, “Freaky Friday” Ms. Jones! You know the one with Jodie Foster not the remake with that skank ho’ alcoholic Lindsay Lohan.”

Really lay it on thick! Really butter your boyfriend’s Atheist Mama up!

SPANISH SPEAKING MAMA HOUSE RULE:
“What the hell did she say? Don’t tell a Spanish Speaking Mama that you speak the Spanish language when you don’t!”

Gay Guys, if your definition of speaking Spanish consists of words and phrases like “mucho hungry”, “yucky agua”, “delicious tortilla”, “nice sombrero” or “I love Jose Cuervo tequila” i’m here to tell you that’s not speaking Spanish! Well, I mean technically it is because you have used a couple of Spanish words but just because you know a couple of Spanish words doesn’t mean that you are fluent in the Spanish language.

So don’t go telling a Spanish Speaking Mama that you speak Spanish when you clearly don’t!

Gay Guys, if you are stupid enough to disregard my words be prepared for the rest of the Valentine’s Day holiday to have your boyfriend’s Spanish Speaking Mama calling you every derogatory Spanish name in the book and to your face while you’re nodding your head, “yes” because you don’t know what the hell she is saying because you don’t speak Spanish. You’ll look like a damn fool and ain’t no way a Spanish Speaking Mama is going to let her baby marry a damn fool like you!

Boyfriend, stop the madness and take a “How to Speak Spanish Class” asap!

OVERWEIGHT MAMA HOUSE RULE:
“Lick it up baby! Eat whatever food your boyfriend’s Overweight Mama puts on your damn plate and you won’t have no problems!”

When it comes to an Overweight Mama you had better damn well eat whatever food she puts on your plate and it doesn’t matter if you don’t like it or are allergic to it, just suck it up and eat it bitch!

Gay Guys, if you don’t, an Overweight Mama will have it set in her mind that you’re a bitch who is anorexic or bulemic (even though you may be fatter than she is) and she’s not going to let you take her son down with your bony-ass. So, basically she will be testing you all through the Valentine’s Day holiday by giving you big-ass plates of food. Most of it will be stuff that you don’t like. Just remember that the only reason she is doing this is because you are so skinny. (Well, at least in her mind you are skinny if you don’t eat the food that she puts on your plate.) Yes, I know that this is discrimination but who says that life is fair! Just suck it up and deal with it! Simply eat whatever food your boyfriend’s Overweight Mama puts on your plate! Also be prepared to lick the plate clean!

Gay Guys, you might want to consider not eating anything for at least two days before you go to your boyfriend’s Overweight Mama’s house to really show her that you have a “healthy” appetite.

For future visits you might want to present your boyfriend’s Overweight Mama with copies of grocery, takeout and delivery food receipts to prove to her that you ARE feeding her baby and not starving him to death if the relationship develops into something more serious. Just think Gay Guys, you’ll only have to do this for the first three years of your marriage but then you’re home free!

BLACK MAMA HOUSE RULE:
“Oh no he didn’t! Don’t crack your gum up in a Black Mama’s House!”

It doesn’t matter if you are a Black, White, Hispanic, Asian or Indian, Gay Guy DON’T I repeat DON’T come up into a Black Mama’s house smackin’ and poppin’ on ANY kind of gum because this is the fastest way to get the watermelon or spearmint flavored taste knocked out of your mouth!

Don’t be no fool!

To a Black Mama smackin’ and poppin’ on gum up in her house is the ultimate sign of disrespect and that won’t be tolerated!

So, don’t do it unless you have a serious death wish! (At this time I would like to send a shout out to the late Charles Bronson.)

Major Sucking Up Tip: Bring along a couple of packs of Juicy Fruit, Wrigley’s Spearmint, Bazooka, Dentyne, Chiclets and Bubble Yum Bubble Gum and present them as a gift to your boyfriend’s Black Mama.

Always remember that a Black Mama can smack and pop on gum up in her own house but you sure as hell can’t!

SEXY MAMA HOUSE RULE:
“Zip it! Mind your own damn business when it comes to your boyfriend’s mamas sexy wardrobe!”

Let’s face it, just because a woman turns 40, 50 or 60 doesn’t mean that she stops being sexy. There are many older women like Tina Turner, Goldie Hawn and Sophia Loren whose sexiness defies age HOWEVER this does not apply to your boyfriend’s mama.

So Gay Guys, when your boyfriend’s 69 year old Sexy Mama opens the front door wearing a crotch-length black skirt, pink midriff shirt and the most gaudy pair of black stilettos that you have ever seen, do yourself and your boyfriend a favor and keep your damn mouth shut! If you have a negative comment keep your damn mouth shut! If you have a positive comment keep your damn mouth shut! Bite your tongue or lip but do whatever the hell you have to do to keep quiet about your boyfriend’s mamas sexy wardrobe!

Gay Guys PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don’t say a damn thing because if you do a Sexy Mama will quickly tell you that the way she dresses is none of your goddamn business cause’ you don’t pay none of her bills and don’t do a damn thing for her! So who the hell is some stranger to tell her how to dress! So mind your own damn business!

Gay Guys, just send a word of thanks up to God that your mother doesn’t dress like a dime store hooker like your boyfriend’s mama does.

But most importantly Gay Guys, pray to God, I mean pray like hell that your boyfriend’s Sexy Mama will want to spend the Valentine’s Day holiday at home and won’t want to go out to dinner because you’ll just die of embarrassment if you have to go out in public with your boyfriend’s Hoochie, I mean Sexy Mama dressed like that! Amen!

And to the rest of the mamas that I didn’t have time to mention in this article, gay guys just use your common sense and think with the big head when it comes to meeting your future hubbie’s mama for the first time this Valentine’s Day and you will be just fine!

Have a good one!

P.S. Atheist Mamas Love Jodie Foster and the movie, Contact!

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TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN’S GREETING CARDS IN A BLOG POST! (GREETING CARD 2)


(This is a Christmas Day greeting card for lovers. It is a card that a man can give to that special lady in his life.)

When It Comes To The Kissing Snow, Don’t Fight It Baby!

It arrives a few days before Christmas Day,
And sometimes on the big day itself,
It’s different from other snow,
And baby, you’ll know it!

To put it simply, once the kissing snow of Christmas Day starts to fall upon you,

Wham!
Bam!
Lover’s delight!
Pure orgasmic dynomite!

Sensual visions instantly start to fill your head and loins,
“Come to me my sweet valentine, I want to put your delectable lips to mine!”

The rush of a fervent blush spreads like wildfire all over your body,
Passion containment is futile,
Don’t try to fight it baby!

Kissing you my sweet valentine is the only cure,
I adore, I want more, my desire for you soars!
Don’t fight it baby!

On this wondrous Christmas Day my sweet valentine, let the kissing snow of Christmas Day bewitch you body and soul,

So that I, your lover, can take complete possession of your lovely body and soul on this wondrous Christmas Night!

P.S. MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM YOUR “HOPE I GET LUCKY TONIGHT BECAUSE I GOT ALL ROMANTIC AND SHIT THIS YEAR ON XMAS INSTEAD OF JUST ON VALENTINE’S DAY LIKE I USUALLY DO SO THEREFORE I DESERVE A REWARD” LOVER!

(Hey guys, consider giving this gift to go along with this greeting card–A package of Hershey’s chocolate kisses with a red ribbon tied around it, sexy lingerie from Victoria’s Secret or Target and a Kissable Kandle from Nawty Things in an assortment of flavors. Merry Christmas guys and I hope you get a lot of nookie along with all of those Christmas cookies!)

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HORROR MOVIE HO (A SONG WRITTEN BY TINA “KNOWLEDGEABLE” PEDEN)


Verse 1:
-Spectacular in the sheets
-Likes sex, is always in heat
-Big-breasted with fake spray tan
-No conscience, will steal your man
-Tramp stamp across her lower back
-Ha! Ha! She’s the first one to get whacked

Chorus:
-So all hail the horror movie ho
-Gloria Steinem, the feminist foe
-Without her, where’s a psycho killer to go
-Beyond stupid, magic 8 ball says it is decidedly so
-So all hail the horror movie ho
-We salute ya, you dumb little bimbo

Verse 2:
-When chased, she always falls down
-Stalked by a slow-walking clown
-She’s part of the coolest clique
-Killed early in the movie by a big-ass ice pick
-Constantly makes fun of an innocent virgin
-Ha! Ha! That’s her upper body stuffed in a trash bin

(Chorus)

Verse 3:
-She’s needed to provide some jiggle
-Her antics provide plenty of giggles
-How can anyone be so dumb
-Don’t just stand there run, lose the bubble gum
-We will always love her cause’ she’s so dense
-So long honey, we only wish you had a little common sense

(Chorus)

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